Big Mama called me down for dinner, good thing too because I was starving, I put down my journal and head down for the food. Once I got down stairs I saw that Ralph wasn't at the table, in fact Ralph was nowhere to be found, not that I was complaining. Which was weird, because by now he would have been chugging down his fifth beer and waiting to be served by Mama.
"Where is Ralph, did he realized that he could go get dinner for himself like a big boy?" When I grab a plate from the dishwasher Big mama bust out into tears. It startles me for a moment then I realize that she is more upset than before. I look at her and don't know what to do, all I can do is call out for her in confusion.
"... Mama?"
"I'm fine honey it's just that me and Ralph got into a little fight and he said some things that he didn't mean, but they still got to me."
"What did he say? He didn't put his hands on you, did he? I swear if he did I will kill him. I mean it this time mama! I will destroy him."
" Oh Lord Blair why must you have so much hate towards him. He didn't do anything to you. I know what he did was wrong, but it was an accident, plus it was months ago. It was a mistake, people make mistakes. I forgave him why can't you?"
My mouth drops I can't believe what I am hearing. It takes everything in me to try to be respectful and calm at the same time.
" I can't believe how blind you are towards him. It's like he has you under some kind of spell that you can't snap out of. He has used you for everything that you have mom! He doesn't love you, he loves what you can provide and do for him. And the sad thing is that you can't even see it, but he knows that if he were to leave you, you would probably have a heart attack."
"Now that's enough Blair! You are just saying things to hurt me because you are mad at him. Just forgive him already. Please!"
" You know what mama I'm done. How can you forgive someone that did something so unforgivable? I don't even know who you are when he is around."
As I stormed upstairs to pack a bag to go to Raven's house, there was so much more that I want to say, but I know that if I were to say what I was thinking that my children wouldn't have a grandmother. When I was almost done packing I started crying. I couldn't bring myself to believe what mama said. That she doesn't blame him, how could she not blame him. The fact that she forgave him and still loves him, I couldn't bring myself to terms with it. I couldn't believe it, it felt like my dream, but it was happening in real life this time.
I put everything and anything that I could find into my bag. I just knew that I couldn't be in the same house as Big ma for another moment.
Once Big Mama saw me come down the stairs with an overnight bag and my journal and laptop in my hand she knew that I wasn't coming back for a while. Let's just say that this wasn't the first time that we have had this kind of argument. I looked at her with watery hurt eyes and then I started to feel warm tears roll down my cheeks.
I couldn't take another minute. I grab the car keys off the counter and slammed the door behind me, so she knew I was more than just mad and hurt.
While I was at a stoplight my phone rang. It was her, I pressed the ignore button. I just couldn't listen to her apologize and then make me feel guilty for hating Ralph so much. I mean I have all the right reasons to hate Ralph. I turned up the music in the car to get my mind off crying so much. The twins started kicking and move in all different kinds of directions. I've notice that they kick when I am upset or when Big Mama rubs my belly. I pull over to rub my belly, also to try and make the twins stop moving around so much. Before I know it, I am cry more and more.
