Once I logged on I saw that Leon was online. I remembered that he said that he might be moving to California for his job. I would be more than excited to see him. It would feel like a dream if I were to meet Leon in person. Just seeing a guy that knows my secrets and my history. I never thought the day would come where I would meet Leon face to face. I wonder what he will look like, if he is the man that I have in my dreams, the vision of how I see him. I wonder if he has an idea in his head of what I look like, what if I am not to his expectations. What if we are the people that have a connection over the phone and through text but in real life they have nothing to talk about, or even worse, what if there is no chemistry?
I try to block all my negative thoughts out of my head, plus I'm not even sure if he will be moving to my part of town. I mean out of all the places in California for him to be sent to for his job, I doubt that he would move to a small town that no one has ever heard of.
Blair33AE: So, is there any news about the job?! Will you finally be in America?
Leon32: It is so amazing to hear from you. Believe it or not I was thinking about you the other day. And yes, it's true I AM MOVING TO AMERICA!
Blair33AE: I can't believe it that's great news! Do you know where you are going to be or what you are going to be doing? This is so exciting!
Leon32: I know for a fact that I am moving to California, I just don't know which part. The position involves me helping with the business part of construction and architect.
Blair33AE: I am so proud of you! I can't wait until you find out where you are going to live in Cali, I can't wait to see you.
Leon32: I know, Blair I am more than happy, I am to the point where I don't know what I am feeling. I should be moving around the same time that you are going to have the babies. I can't wait to finally see your beautiful face in person.
Blair33AE: Awe Leon, I can't wait to see you! I will message you tomorrow to see if anything else has happened. Much love and many wishes.
I had butterflies all in my stomach, the babies were kicking like crazy. I didn't know how I felt. I wasn't sure if it was the excitement that I would finally meet Leon in person, or a romantic feeling that I couldn't wait to see him and fall in love. I wasn't sure on the feeling that were going on in my head and heart, I did know that I wanted to meet Leon in the flesh. And what if things did work out and we fell madly in love, what would he think about raising children that weren't his or having to deal with another man in my life because I have kids. Plus, we wouldn't be able to spend any time together because I have two new born children. That would be a lot to take in if I wanted to start a new relationship, for me and for him. I think it is truly safe to say that being a grown up is awful.
A few hours later when Raven woke up and freshened up we got into the car and drove to Big Ma's house. The whole way there the babies wouldn't stop kicking me. I knew that it was a mixture me being so nervous to see Big Ma after our fight. Hopefully they were kicking because I haven't feed them since the mall. I was everywhere in my feelings between Leon, Ronnie, Big Ma, and being ready to meet my beautiful babies. Who knew that my life would be so complicated at twenty, I never would have guessed that I would have this much sadness and confusion in my heart back when I was a little girl.
That has always been interesting to me, when you're a child you don't think about responsibility and the possibilities of the outcomes that come with it, you live in the now and there is no tomorrow. When you're an adult the thought of responsibility never leaves your mind not even for a second, because all you can think of is the good or bad results that are following you into your future.
