"Hello?", she says in a hushed whisper.
"Hey Big Ma" I have some much to say but no words to put them in, so I try to let her guide the conversation.
"Are you at the doctors yet, how are you feeling?", she says this with concern and i want to tell her that I feel like shit knowing that she has been balling her eyes out all night long.
"Yes, I'm here. I have been here for about ten minutes. And I'm fine just waiting for Doctor Ivory. You?"
I say this as calm as I can, so she can say what she is really feeling or the way she feels just to make small talk.
" Yeah, I'm fine just starting on dinner, making a roast so I thought I get a head start. You know you and Raven could swing by and grab a plate... But only if you want to."
I felt bad and relieved that she was making small talk with me. Plus, she brought up the roast because she knows that's my favorite meal and that I crave it even more now that I'm pregnant. I do want to go over there to see her, but I know that if I see Ralph there that I will snap.
"Yeah I will see if Raven wants to swing by for a little. Do you mind if I bring another friend?" I say this thinking that if I bring Ronnie that she will put all her anger into a new problem instead of our fight.
"Yeah that will be just fine. It should be ready around six this afternoon."
"Alright we will be there, I have to go, the nurse just called my name."
"Well I will see you later, and if you can call me after your appointment to tell me how everything went maybe?" She asks with such concern in her voice. It makes me want to tell her that I didn't mean what I said and that I was sorry.
"Yeah I'll call you right after. I will see you later Big Ma, bye." When I hung up the phone I felt the babies kick, like they were mad at me for not forgiving their grandmother.
"Blair, we are ready for you." I look at Ronnie and tell him to come on. The doctor only allows one person in the room with the patient. So, Raven must stay in the waiting room. Knowing her she will go to some fast food place and then come back and act like she didn't go anywhere.
Ronnie walks into the room first and I flow. The nurse does her regular routine by telling me that I must get undress and put on the gown and that the doctor will be in with us shortly.
As the doctor leaves, Ronnie looks at me with big beautiful eyes. "Do you want me to step out while you change?" he says this with such concern and respect.
" No, unless you want to, I mean you have seen it all before. We might not be together, but we don't have to act like strangers."
He smiles nervously and does this cute little chuckle then nods in realization. I get undress and in the corner of my eye and see that he is trying not to look at me but is mainly focusing on my belly and how round it truly it is. I smile to myself because I can't help but look at him gaze at me as if he has never seen me before. Once I have the gown I hoist myself up onto the table and lay back while letting out a deep sigh. Ronnie gets up out of the doctor's chair and looks at me right in my eye. I look back at him nervously, he has the look in his eye, a look he uses to give me when I was in love with him. It was that look that you give the person that you love and wonder what they are thinking about and you hope that it's you. I finally cave in and ask in a slightly irritated yet shy tone.
" Why are you looking at me like that?" I look away as I let out a nervous chuckle followed by my best smile I have to offer.
" Sorry, it's just that I can't believe that we are so close to being a family. I was thinking about it last night and now that I am here in this room with you, about to see my children, I guess that it's now hitting me all at once."
I take his hand and kiss the backside of it. Then I put it on my belly, he looks at me and then back at my belly. Suddenly, his eyes open wide and then they begin to flutter, the babies were kicking, it was his first time ever feeling them kick. He bent down and rested his head on my belly and rubbed it so gently and softly. He began to talk to the babies in a hushed deep tone.
" Hey there, my sweethearts it's me, daddy. I can't wait to meet you. This might sound crazy and I know we haven't met yet, but daddy loves you very much. I will do anything for you and your mommy. I will always take care of you no matter the obstacle."
I look at the top of his head resting on my stomach, I didn't know what to think or even what to say, but all I knew was that I loved him. I loved him more than ever, not in a romantic way but in a way that I knew would be everlasting because in that moment I understood that he would take care of me by keeping his word by doing his part to take care of our children.
He got up and rubbed my belly one more time and then placed his hand on my face and said with a soft voice, " thank you." He kissed my forehead and lingered there for a while. I felt his breathing become timid and then a tear run down his face. Once the tear hit the top of my forehead and began to roll down my face he got up and sat in the chair. He wiped his face as if he was ashamed that he had been caught crying, I knew that it wasn't because he was crying but because he wasn't there from the start. I don't know what made him change into this person within the months previously, but I was desperate to know. The doctor knocked and entered the room before I could even say anything to Ronnie.
" Blair, how are you? You look even more beautiful than you did 3 weeks ago, what's your secret?" I always liked my doctor, he always gave me compliments, even though I am pretty sure that he told all his patients the same thing. He would make you feel like you were his only patient, I loved that about him.
Doctor Ivory was my second doctor. I used to go to another doctor before him when I first found out that I was pregnant. I found that doctor in a newspaper ad. Her name was Doctor Wills, when I went to her office it was nice and well-kept, but the air was cold and stale. Once I filled out the mountains of paperwork the nurse called me back to see the doctor. She came in and seemed to be a very nice person. She asked me questions like when my last cycle was, all the typical doctor stuff. Then she asked if we should wait on my husband, I then told her that I didn't have one. She gave me a look of shock and dishonor that would kill you and then kill you again. That was strike one, then after doing the exam she gave me a booklet on "Key Steps of Being a Successful Single Mother." I thought that was extremely odd, but I didn't think anything else of it. When I came back for my next appointment she wasn't as nice, in fact she was rude. She asked if I didn't mind telling her how I got pregnant and knew that she was asking since I wasn't married, and I told her my story. I was a virgin and I fell in love and I decided that I trusted him enough to make love to him, and we decided as partners not to a condom, and unfortunately suffered the consequences of those actions and I got pregnant, and that's how I got here.
She gave me the cruelest look like I was lying. She didn't believe that I was a virgin and that on my first try I got pregnant, with twins at that. I knew that I couldn't have a doctor that took joy in judge me every time she looked at me. So that's when Raven and I went looking for a new doctor. Raven had a friend that was in school studying to be a doctor's assistant. She told Raven about this doctor that she met when the school made her go out for the first time, doctor Ivory. Raven and I went to go check him out, I was nervous about having a male doctor, but I thought no one would be worse than Doctor Wills. When Doctor Ivory and I first met I knew that he was the one that I wanted to deliver my children. He was caring, and not once did he ask where my "husband" was going to be attending, nor has he ever asked how I got into my condition. His only concerns were about my health, the babies' heath and how I looked more beautiful every time he saw me. Not to mention that every time I came in with Big Mama he was a little sweet on her, I mean actually flirting with her not just trying to make everyone in the room more comfortable. If anything, I felt like I needed to step out of the room a few times.
Doctor Ivory gave me his best smile and said, " I see that we don't have Ms. Raven or Big Ma with us today. Instead we have a very handsome young man." He went over to go shake Ronnie's hand.
