Far beyond broken.

Chapter fifteen - Really.

~Lydia~

I drank the contents. But it didn't taste like bleach... Not that I had tasted bleach before or anything, but this tasted different to the scent of bleach. It tasted like soapy water and my throat wasn't burning either like bleach supposedly does. I also heard footsteps up the stairs, two pairs to be precise.

The bathroom door busted open, I was sure I locked it... But clearly I didn't. Isaac and Allison were stood at the doorway. They were gawping at me, I could feel their eyes examining me. Here I was sat here with a bottle on bleach which was capless. It was pretty blatant what had just happened.

"You know... I thought Isaac was taking this too far when he binned all of your razors and replaced all the harmful stuff with stuff that wouldn't do anything to you whatsoever. I hope soap water tastes nice Lydia... I hope you got what you wanted!" Allison raised her voice before walking away.

Why does she get to be mad?

How the hell is she mad?

I can't even release... They've destroyed all of my outlets. I don't have to the correct materials to even carry them out.

Isaac continued to examine me for a few moments.

"You're so selfish Lydia... You have people who care for you. Do you have any idea how this makes me feel?" Isaac asked me. Before I could respond, he left and went after his sister. Trufully, I didn't know what I'd say to that. But Isaac had a connection, friends... Friends who took the mick out of me, who posted nasty things about me. And he couldn't even stop that... For me. Something so small could push me over the edge. It was small but it was a big deal, I knew people spoke trash about me and I felt so useless

Once again I was unsuccessful. Once again I felt pathetic. I wanted to cry... I really did. But it was no use, by crying I wouldn't achieve anything. Ultimately it wouldn't really change the situation.

Nothing would.

I headed out of the bathroom and let out a small sigh. I never knew it would be so difficult to kill yourself. But I would never stop trying. I would die someday, preferably at my own hand... At least I will have control. Every day that passes means one less day of this life... One less day on this cruel earth. Isaac and Allison can't stop the inevitable ultimately... They can only prolong it.

I headed to my bedroom. I began to push stuff off my chest of drawers onto the floor. I then headed to the window and put my hands in my head. I couldn't do this... I couldn't have this life. I felt my breaths become faster and faster. I sat on the edge on my bed and began to rock myself. I just wanted to scream... But that would draw attention from them two downstairs and I really can't face them right now. They need to leave... But they won't. They care too much, they're doing everything to prevent me from harming and killing myself. Therefore I will have to remove myself from the equation... That's the only way I'll truly be able to be able to be myself.

I may as well enjoy my last couple of hours here...

*
~Allison~

I really didn't understand Lydia's behaviour... How she could be like this. What made her like this. Surely having people that care about you is enough to stop you from going through with it right? I care about her... So does my brother. I know he does. Its just frustrating us. I'm not going to let Lydia kill herself, but there's also only so much I can do. I can't watch her all the time, I couldn't help her constantly. Nor could my brother. So I was just unsure on what I could do for her... I felt useless.

I felt guilty for flipping at her. She's suicidal, she's a mess. Words hurt... Maybe even more than normal for her and I'd never forgive myself if I pushed her over the edge. I best go apologise. I felt guilty for acting that way.

I headed up the stairs. There was no movement, no sound from Lydia upstairs. But that was usual, she hardly done anything really. She just sat in her room and wrote, or listened to music or sometimes she would just stare at a wall. If she wasn't doing any of those things, it meant that she was sleeping, which most commonly she was.

I entered Lydia's bedroom, I hesitated a little. I didn't know what to expect from her... Anything could happen, she was crazy at times and as a friend I didn't know how to support her as I lacked experience with this kind of thing. But it didn't mean I was going to give up, it didn't mean that i would stop helping. It didn't mean any of that.

I let out a small sigh before looking about in Lydia's room. There was nothing. She wasn't here. She wasn't. Her window was widely opened, loads of her stuff was on the floor. Her chest of drawers were open and two of them were completely empty.

What did this mean?

I then looked downwards in her chest of drawers to see wrappers and wrappers of paracetamol. Empty wrappers... There were also bloody blades scattered about. I really hope this wasn't what I thought it was.

I hoped it wasn't recent. I really hoped that she hadn't overdosed or done something stupid and then ran off so we can't help her... I would forever have this on my conscience if something happened to her because I could of helped her.

I gulped, I grabbed out my phone an began to ring Lydia's phone. I could hear buzzing in the room. I looked at Lydia's white, expensive bedside table to see her phone lit up with my caller ID on the screen.

I let out a small sigh... I really didn't know what to do. I mean what could I do?

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A/n
This sucks. Its also late too but im getting back to updating more regularly so thats good :)

Unedited probably 2942810 mistakes and i'm sorry i still have like 3 other things to write #allnighter

Yeah ill try and update within the next week.

Thanks for reading <3

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Freya x