Downfall [Punk Niall Horan]

29

Quietly, I excused myself from our group downstairs who were getting settled down without a word. Luke seemed curious as to why I was going up there, his eyes following my walking figure. I thought I was out of the woods right before he pulled me to the side and asked if I would be okay.

I replied with a single nod and said it would be fine, that Niall was just having a dramatic episode again. It was the best thing that I could come up with so Luke would let me go without question of my well being, or the real reason as to why I was going up there. No one else seemed to question my sudden disappearance as I departed towards the stairs.

As I glided up the stairs I wondered just how bad Niall would blow up on me, if this would be the last of whatever we had. Or I wondered if he would let another wall fall and tell me why he was truly mad at me so I knew for sure. I will admit it was very selfish of me to not think about the consequences and who I would hurt if I would have hurt myself.

I didn't think about the friends I came to care deeply about like: Ashton, Luke, and Louis. Heck, even Calum and Liam were growing on me even though we didn't talk much. And the horribly sad truth was I especially didn't think about how it would affect Niall, knowing he had lost so many people before. I forgot how Niall made me promise that I would never leave him, and I was going to do just that.

Guilt had overcome me, but I just couldn't bring myself to regret trying to do kill myself. No one knew how I felt or what was going on inside my muddled mind. It was like there was a knife inside my brain, slowly carving away at my tissue until I couldn't see straight and until it ripped away every sane part of me. If they were in my place, I'm sure they wouldn't have judged me for what I tried to do.

I took my time going up the stairs, mulling over what happened and what I would say to Niall. There was a family portrait hanging up in the hallway, and they looked truly happy together. Not at all like a family that was hidden behind secrets, not like my family. A genuine smile was on everyone's face, and I couldn't help but feel jealous over the bond they probably had shared together.

But then I only felt coldness thinking about the happy family for a while, wondering what had happened to them and where they were now. If they were alive. And hatred filled me for the possibility that they were not living anymore because of my father.

Innocent people like this family's lives were clipped short for no reason but someone's own selfish desires, someone's twisted thoughts. It made me sick that I came from the one who caused all of this mess. Taking a deep breath, I shoved myself away from the genuine photograph.

I could only yearn now for something like this family once had.

Shuttering, I continued up the last flight of stairs that had to lead to Niall. I was met with a narrow hallway, a little tight for all of the memories crowded against the walls. A door was on either side of the walkway, sealed shut with gleaming brass doorknobs.

One lone door, which I presumed was the master bedroom, stood at the end of the hall with its door slightly ajar. Of course, pick the parents bedroom.

Rolling my eyes lightly, I tiptoed down the hall while being careful to not make a sound. The floorboards betrayed me, though, by making light creaking noises with each daunting step I took. I internally winced as I pushed the wooden door open the rest of the way, creaking on its hinges.

Pausing for a moment, I realized that Niall's back was facing towards me as he was hunched over the bed with hands shaking on his knees. His knees jumped up and down like erratic nerves, thudding against the floor. There was no indication that he had heard me as I pushed the rest of the way into the room and lightly closed the door, knowing I was in for a hell of a storm.