Shattered

Chapter 9 - System Overload. Reboot. Nothing To Do With What I Want (Mya POV)

A/n: Not EDITED. 

 

 

 

Chapter 9 – System Overload. Reboot. Nothing To Do With What I Want (Mya POV)

It was a tumultuous time in my life, my emotions were all over the place and I couldn't get control. Then, I learned I was pregnant and suddenly I had a reason to physically take care of myself.

Suddenly there was something- someone- more important, that needed my attention. Shiloh and Thea. I cold no longer run myself ragged, or stew in sadness and hate.

This was just like that – I wanted to run, sprint, hell even fly back to derby, back to Felicity but I had to keep Shiloh in mind as well. Right now Felicity may be awake but her needs were being tended to right now by the doctors and the nurses.

So, thought I want to rush back right now, I needed to feed the tiny monster in Shiloh's belly that was making itself known.

"Cakes mama?" Her blue eyes glowing.

"Yeah, we can get pancakes," and my heart swells when she giggles happily. Sometimes I wondered if Shiloh was a bit more intelligent and comprehending than we thought. It's like... almost as though she would slip into 'baby mode' when they time was right. Some days she'd pronounce words, I didn't think she knew, and then other times, she was cutting them down.

"Nana, cakes," Shiloh says with a sigh that sends Allison, Lachlan and I into our own chuckles.

"You want banana pancakes Shy Bug?" Lachlan chortles, my own face scrunches together in distaste. My grandma on one hand loved bananas – would drop it over our cornmeal but I couldn't stomach it. Not like Shiloh. Not like Atticus.

A loud smooch to her face I wonder how she's going to react to sharing attention with Felicity. I might be a teen mom, and she may not have Atticus around but geez, Shiloh was cocooned by love. Aunts, uncles, grandparents. With family around I head out- with Shiloh in my arms- for pancake breakfast.

There was too much happening, but after breakfast we stuff ourselves into Lachlan's truck and head back to Derby. It's a quiet affair – outside of Shiloh. My mind drifts never on one topic for very long.

"Mya!" Caity snaps a finger in front of my face and Shiloh; ever the sponge repeated the gesture with giggles.

Gasping her smaller hand in my larger one I focus on Caitlin, "We were asking where you wanted to – well if you wanted us to make up a room for Felicity at the house?" Allison in the front seat turned to face me.

Her uncertainty not matching the excitement in her eyes.

"A room for Felicity?" I parrot back, my mind going nearly blank. Lachlan throws me a quick glance over his shoulder, "Yes, a bedroom.... Or were you planning on putting her in the decrypt tree house you and Caity used to play in?" Sarcasm.

When I close my eyes, it's a thought it nearby three years ago and I'm begging Lachlan to dismember the crib meant for Thea. It was another moment of my naïve thoughts. I had heard the doctor explain the problems that may occur after birth – one of the twins may not have been able to make it. Still, we decorated the nursery for two little babies I though would be coming home with me.

I'm shaking my head side to side- unseeing- before I can respond verbally.

"I don't want to get...." I couldn't finish out loud.

It was horrible of me really. If not, it felt that way at least.

I should be positive, excited and hopeful that every thing would work out.