So this chapter you might not relate to so you don't have to read this chapter. Anyways, I hope all of you have a fantastic day and stay clean!
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Sometimes, I get so sick of everyone. Even the ones that I talk to all night. I get sick of them. I've had enough of their words. I don't know why or how. There's something wrong with me, obviously, but I don't get sick of this one person.
My lovely brother.
I don't know why I never get sick of him. I never get sick of his hugs, kisses, words, nothing. I love him so much. So fucking much. He doesn't realize that though, but that's okay.
He just thinks it's somehing I do to bribe him. He's so cute that way.
My brother doesn't know that I'm hurting. I don't want him to know that I'm hurting. He'll get worried, probably will cry. I don't want to see my baby brother cry. Nobody does. But he's such an ass sometimes. He will give you all this sass and leave you to your own problems. Which fucking sucks because he's the one I go to when I have problems with school or people. He's like my own therapist at times. But asshole or not, I will always love my fucking brother. Because he loves me back.
This chapter is not about Serwan (my brother's name). This chapter is just about showing how I actually feel. If that made any sense.
I get sick of my friend's attitude sometimes. They act like something is no big deal when it is to me. Another reason why I hate my anxiety. They brush off my problems and just go back to their phones or something. But whenever they have a problem, guess who the first person they turn to is, me. Guess who solves all their problems, me. And I'm sick of it. But I can't say that I hate them. Because no matter how much I hate their attitude, I still will love them, because they remind me everyday that they love me too.
I get sick of hugs. Everyone's hugs. They get old to me (not Serwan's though). Sure I may start enjoying them here and there but, I don't enjoy them as time passes by. I'm sorry if I hurt any of your feelings (the people who I know personally and are reading this, I'm sorry). Unless I hug you willingly, I do not like hugs or pecks on the cheeks or something. The only people I'm comfortable with giving me a peck on the cheek are my family.
I'm sick of life. Going through its obsticles. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the sadness that follows me everywhere I go. It's so tiring. I'm tired of the "you'll get better" sayings. I won't, just fucking face it. I'm tired of school. The teachers there are incredible and I'm glad that they teach at my school but it's the other people who attend this school. They are terrible. The girls will talk about how you dress and call you names. The boys are dickbags. They act like they have no emotions. My god. They will all call you names if you act the tiniest bit annoying or weird. I'm not one of those people. I fit in with the girls and the guys so you could say that I don't get called on but it's terrible how they treat people there. Fucking disrespectful.
I'm sick of food. All of the types of food. They sicken me because I can't eat them, I won't eat them. I always eat a little bit at dinner and breakfast. Nothing at lunch. I give it to the people who don't have enough so it won't be a waste. Which is good because those people deserve everything. I can't eat in front of others. I eat like a disgusting pig. Like always, I'm scared of how they think of me so I rarely eat in a restaurant or something. Though the food looks really good, it does, I jut can't. Even if I eat a little I will gain so much fucking weight. I can't do that. I look okay now. I can't eat anymore. No. Never.
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Sorry that was terrible. Like all the other ones that I wrote. Mavis' chapters are incredible. Just saying. Again, if there's anyone who is reading this that I know personally and that I offended them, I apologize. Have a nice day.
-Roniya xx
