Flight 407

Chapter 21(pilots)-fading comfort

A/n hey friends how are you doing?
Sorry the chapter was late, I kind of had a fight with a friend and it was a whole thing on the day I was supposed to finish the chapter and update and that's why it was late this time
But it's much longer then the last two chapters-5,179 words so that's cool and I hope you'll like it.
Also I kind of forgot to say Dan is like 5'4 while Phil is his regular height because I think it's cute.
Enjoy-

Dan woke up the next morning and felt completely at peace, he didn't remember having to lie to his dad, he didn't remember his Dad yelling at him, he didn't remember his dad yelling at Phil, he didn't remember kicking Phil out again.
The only thing that filled his mind and thoughts was how comfortable his bed was, all he felt was the warmth of his duvet surrounding him along with the safe, comforting scent of Phil that filled his every being and drove his senses wild. But it was than when he noticed it- Phil's scent was fading.
It seemed that Upon realizing this the morning "force field" that kept him safe and was filled with lazy days, late mornings and no worries shuttered around him to tiny pieces and he suddenly remembered all of last night's events, including the three awful nightmares he had during the night before crawling into bed, where he was safe and sound with Phil guarding him.
He looked sideways to his nightstand to check the time, and was horrified to see it was one p.m, sure, he used to always wake up at that time, sometimes even later than that, but he was finally feeling like he was getting his life back together, and for him waking up late was just a sign of failure.
Which was something he couldn't do, fail that is.
And just than, as his self hate returned and he started cursing himself along with the cruel voices in his head, his heart swelled with fear, what was his dad going to do to him? Dan whimpered and cuddled into himself and back into the sheets, wishing he could stay like this for ever.
Not long after, his stomach grumbled Again and although he didn't eat much overall because he thought he was extremely fat and disgusting, especially after pigging out with Phil like he did, but he felt really bad this particular morning and remembered he actually didn't really eat anything for about two days, besides an apple and a few bites of his dinner the night before.
So in a sudden rush of bravery he decided eating a piece of bread won't be too bad and jumped off of his bed softly and tiptoed to his door, peeping out the small crack to check if the coast was clear before rushing to the kitchen quietly, he was about to grab a small biscuit when a small note sitting on the kitchen island caught his attention, he unfolded it apprehensively and smiled in relief when finished

Dear dan,
I was called in for a flight last night and as I was on stand by I couldn't decline, I expect you not to invite anyone over, I should be back in three days.
Dad

His first instinct was to call Phil or text him, so he did.

To philly lion
Hey Phil, guess what? Dad went in a flight last night and won't be back for three days and I was kind of hoping, if you'd like, to hang out later today or whenever you can.

Dan bit his nails anxiously, he sounded really lame in the text and way too excited for a simple hang out.
He sighed and rubbed his hands over his eyes, he hated texting first, he always felt as if he was annoying the other person, but Phil said he wanted to talk and hang out so he would surly answer right? Dan shook his head he would he tried to reassure himself and although it made him feel a bit better, he still felt kind of doubtful.
He sat in his bed waiting for Phil to reply, for some reason he felt super tired, not physically tired, because he was already used to that kind, he was always tired. But he just felt really sick and tired of life and the stuff he has to constantly go through, the thought of now having to go through the same thing or even worse with his father made him terrified, and he really just needed Phil to answer him already, he needed him to wrap his long, strong arms around his small frame, and tell him it's all gonna be okay, and he needed him to sleep with him and hold him and protect him and show him that he somewhat cared about him, even though Dan still had trouble believing someone like Phil would ever even consider someone as useless and disgusting as him, he didn't really care if it were just a show, he just needed someone to show him he cared about him, because when he tried to think about someone that did, his mind wouldn't come up with anything and he started having those dangerous thoughts again.
But as time ticked by, Dan started doubting Phil would ever reply to him, it made sense really, after what he had Phil witness what happened with his dad the evening before and after Dan once again kicked him out, he shouldn't have deluded himself into thinking about so much as texting Phil. He actually was an embarrassment like everyone in his life told him.
His beliefs were confirmed when at 4 pm, three hours later, when he finally gathered enough courage and strength to check his phone he saw that Phil received and read his massage an hour and a half ago.
That's when he broke into sobs, the voices in his head laughed at him, telling him he was weak, crying over some guy, but Dan just screamed into his now damp pillow.
He should have known.
So he did the only thing he was good at and the only way he knew how to cope.
He opened his bed side drawer and rummaged through it hastily, his hands shaking in anticipation to the satisfying release that was to come.
His fingertips glided against the familiar cold, soft metal and he smiled in victory as it caressed his skin gently, as If promising to take the pain away, and he knew it would-it always did.
Many voices fought inside his head as he walked towards the bathroom door, like they always did.
Some yelled at him to stop, that Phil would notice, that he would be disappointed, that his dad would notice.
But those voices were drowned by sleek voices that promised the pain to go away, that he already was a disappointment to Phil, that his dad didn't care.
And as always, he caved, and ended up in a very familiar position in the bathroom, with the small blade held in his left hand while his left hand's sleeve was rolled up. And although he would never admit it out loud, that day he rolled the sleeve much higher in thought that if Phil would ever answer and come he wouldn't notice the fresh wounds. Unfortunately that thought only prompted him to get to it, because it was just so pathetic of him.
**
When he was done he had ten new bloody lines on his right bicep and a sad smile spread across his face, he cleaned the blood from the fresh cuts and rolled his sleeve back down, not caring about the stains that were sure to be left on the fabric, he was sadly very experienced in removing blood stains, a trait that came in handy for him but also made him sad at the thought of the reason he was such an expert in the field.
He walked back to his room after cleaning the bathroom, leaving no trail behind for the action he had just performed, the blade was sitting in the palm of his hand. It was now clean of blood and seemed completely innocent, but it wasn't. Dan stuffed the silver evidence into his bedside drawer, and sighed.
pathetic
After Around ten minutes of lying on his bed while staring at the ceiling blankly Dan reached for his phone that was lying flat on the bedroom floor.
He was surprised to see the screen lit up, signaling he had a new text massage.