Refound Love (YTSTMB sequel)

Part thirteen

Dan P.O.V.

The next morning, I cursed at my reflection in the mirror as it proved I hadn't slept much that night. I had been too busy thinking about PJ, the kiss, PJ, what I was going to do, PJ, whether I should tell Phil and then PJ again.

My boyfriend tossed and turned in the night himself as he slept as if something was worrying him, but his bright blue eyes were shining and he smiled at me when I woke up in the late morning. The smile tugged at my heart but I knew it wasn't one I deserved.

If I had the guts and common sense, I would've told him and ended my misery for my selfish reasons, but I couldn't because I was trying to avoid breaking his heart. I couldn't do it again. Not after what I saw it did to him last time. What it was still doing to him.

So instead of being honest I took a long, long shower, not even feeling the warm rain as it pounded down. Guilt and confusion consumed me, taking control of every swirling thought.

I only started paying attention to washing myself when Phil had knocked on the door worriedly, asking if I was okay because I had been in there for over an hour. I scrubbed the shampoo into my hair, washing it out immediately after and putting in the conditioner, lazily squirting some body wash onto my hand and rubbing in and washing out everything.

I dried off and got dressed, leaving my hair curly since we didn't have any plans and plopped down on the sofa, putting my head on Phil's lap.

"I want to stay here forever," I said to no one in particular, skillfully using my foot to bring the folded up blanket on the armrest closer to me and put it over myself.

"Is that because you enjoy my company or you're just lazy?" Phil asked, a slight frown creasing into his facial expression.

"Both, I think."

"You can't do anything all day, you have a video to edit."

"I'll do it later."

"Dan, you said you'd upload it yesterday."

"They can wait another day."

"Dan."

"I'd rather spend time with you! I'm too tired right now."

"I know, but I know how stressed you get when they're all harrassing you," he sighed, smiling in appreciation when he played with my hair. He always preferred the curls to the straightened position I forced them in, but I don't think anything could ever change my mind about them.

"Hey," I said, my hand reaching up and poking him on the cheek, "I'll be fine. Don't worry about it, Phil."

"Yeah... I love you, you know? I just care."

"I know you do and I love you too," I told him but the last bit of the sentence felt too forced to be meaningful. I was saved by further lecturing when we had a knock on the door. "Who's that?"

"That's Chris, I meant to tell you he was coming over. I'll let him in."

I stayed laying down and wondered if Chris knew anything about what happened between me and PJ, but his smiling face when he entered the room said that he knew nothing.

"Do you want tea, Chris? Dan?" Phil asked, lurking in the doorframe.

"I will, please."

"Yeah me too," I replied. "What's up Chris?"

"I'm not going to stay long, I just had to ask you something," he watched me steadily, "PJ's with Jamie, they're planning another video," he said like he had read my mind.

"Oh right. What is it?"

"Do you know what's wrong with him? With PJ? He's just.... acting weird."

"Like how?"

"Just... I don't know. Not being himself. Has he said anything to you?"

"Nope, we don't really speak that much."

"So nothing at all?" He pressed on, looking slightly worried. I shook my head, keeping a straight face but suddenly wanting to tell him everything. Chris didn't deserve this. Neither did Phil, but the way Chris was chewing on his lip looking like he was trying to come up with his own answer made me feel terrible.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out.

"For what?"

"For... not being able to do anything. I'm sure he's fine."

"Yeah, maybe..." He trailed off into thought again just as Phil brought in our drinks, but I couldn't concentrate on what anyone was saying as I thought about the situation.

Why was PJ acting weird? It must have something to do with the kiss otherwise he'd have told Chris since they shared everything. I glanced at him and then at Phil, knowing that I'd have to forget what I feeling for PJ and keep this secret or it would ruin everything.