Unwithered Love

Chapter 25: The Realization

A lot of things had happened, and things probably would be the same even if I have the chance to go back in the past. I believed what had taken place is destined to happen.

What I came to realize is when you find true love, it sticks with you regardless of whether or not you end up spending your lives together. The love I have for Michael was overwhelming. I could still remember how incredibly it was. The first time my heart beat for him, every waking moment was filled with loving and pleasant thoughts. My every day became brighter, and my world was more colorful. Life for me seemed to be more alive than it had ever been before.It was the happiest I had been in my life.

But sometimes the good times did not leave a lasting impression. Of course, I continue to revisit all those great memories from time to time. But it wasn't the laughs and smiles that changed the most. It's those more painful memories underlining the good times that changed my reality. That pain of not having the chance to show how much I loved Michael and how much he loved me. The pain that fate would not permit the two of us to walk at the same road. That reality was unbearable. It broke my heart into pieces.

From this brokenness there was something good that came to me and that is the opportunity to learn and understand more about myself and about life each passing day. It was difficult, but with honesty to myself, with the grace of God, it brought great insights into the person I have become.

I was grateful that I have the chance to start to construct the person God wanted me to be. Through my unending love for Michael, God did show me the real me.
He showed me what I need to work on and improve on before I can freely give love to people who needed this most. Without that love, the joy and the pain it made me feel, I could never possibly be the person I am today.

The kind of relationship that I had with Michael had somehow made me the better version of myself I am today. I loved, laughed, and cried. But never would I forget the past that taught me those necessary lessons.

Knowing that Michael did love me was a dream come true. The love I have for him would always linger in my heart. He will have that special place in me. No time for regret or frustration. But what I have to cherish now was the love I know he had for me.

How I wished that the world is not so complicated, just like the happily- ever-after stories in the movies. Though my love for Michael was not a fairy tale. But it brought us to what we have become now. The experience of falling in love and being loved is enough for me to say that life is beautiful. Michael and I did not end up to be together. But somehow, sometime I believed and have felt that our hearts had beaten at same time for each other. The love that we have for each other may not flourish but will stay unwither.

Now, who would disagree that love is a very tricky thing? Maybe this thing we call "love" varies in intensity. I just could not contain why my love for him was so intense. This maybe, for some, is stupidity, but for me, love is the most beautiful thing in this world. But I would not deny that at other times, love is the most horrid thing we have ever come face-to-face with.

It's strange how one thing could be the cause of so many contrary feelings. But that's what makes love so beautiful. It's the closest thing to a flawless whole that man has ever claimed to have been part of.

When we think of love, we may think of the happy kind of love, or the sad kind of love. Contrary to our wishful thinking, we all know that love doesn't always end up happily. You can love someone with all your soul and never get a chance to be with that person. Even worse, you can know that you love someone, understanding there is no possibility that the two of you will ever be together. Even if they do love each other, they will not ever end up together. It's a sad truth, but a truth, nonetheless. Life is so unfair, if you may, allow me to add this. 

Yes, maybe life is indeed unfair. But only this broken heart would see life that way. Yet, though sometimes I feel bitter, I am forever grateful for this gift of life, and  with this gift of love.

I have so much to be grateful, like great memories to cherish. Though I  wished there would be more, like growing old with my Michael. That impossibility had always put a smile on my lips. I still would want to grow old not forgetting the memories I have with my Michael. I wanted to cherish all those moments until my very last breath. He maybe was not for me in this life, but I know he is mine for me to love and to cherish. Even if  Michael  had probably chosen to stop loving me, that would not tire me to continue loving him. God gave me this heart to beat  for my Michael.

I know that time will come, the pain I had in the past will hopefully turn into fond memories that I can look back with a smile and certainly with a feeling of nostalgia.

But of all the truths I have learned with love: If you do not suffer, even a little for it, love did not exist. It was merely a sunrise or sunset, something that happens everyday, nothing special. But if you pour your heart and soul into these differences, you understand why you love, live, laugh and want to be happy. You understand why you make life so challenging, because there is nothing greater in this world than to realize the challenge of loving someone.

 It was indeed my pleasure loving Michael all these years. This love is only for him, for him alone.

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