But somewhere along the way, that feeling of utter defeat when you didn't want to give up, life happened. While life happened you couldn't wait around anymore. Because waiting for him to realize your value, was like waiting for a train you didn't know was coming, yet you hoped and prayed, and were positive. And part of you thought to walk away while the other half of you said keep trying.
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During the whole week of enrollment time, I would hope and pray that my Michael would come. When I saw kuya Danny once at the cafeteria, I wanted to ask him about his brother. But it seemed I was the only one bothered of his absence again that semester. I knew Michael wanted to finish his course. I remembered him sharing to me his ambitions in life and his dream of becoming a teacher and a missionary. How I wish I could do something to help him.
Instead of feeling bitter and lonely, I tried to focus my thoughts on the goodness of God. But I did not stop hoping.. hoping that God would grant my heart's longing.
Classes had started already. I tried hard enough to show to others and convince myself that I would be fine without Michael. Though I was disappointed and hurt, I knew there were reasons why God did not answer my prayer. I wanted to ask God so many things, but I knew I would not be able to comprehend to His reasons why He does not want me to be happy. I knew that was wrong thinking. God knows what's best for me. He would not do anything to harm me.
To comfort my lonely heart I would just utter a prayer to God.
"Lord, I trust you. Please take care of Michael. It's okay if he's not here. But please comfort him in his distress. Provide for him what is lacking. And if you could please remind him of me and whisper to him that I love him, Lord. Please make my heart so strong enough to endure the pain I have now."
So during the whole semester I devoted my time in my studies. I took every opportunity to excel in everything that I do. Grateful that my friends were there to encourage me. And as always, My sister Eunice was ever faithful to support me. It felt good too that I had admirers and suitors. The attention that they give me brought smile to my lonely heart.
About Chlouie,I guessed moving on was not hard for him. I knew he's happy with his new girlfriend. I don't know why sometimes I had this regretful feeling of losing him. Probably I just missed the friendship with him.
Everytime I had my "Only Me" mode, I would just go back and remember those moments I had with my Michael. Remembering those happy moments with him, the funny and the awkward time, it would make me thank God, for allowing me to feel that unfathomable feeling or the whatsoever- called feeling. It was something I was never ashamed of.
"You're still young..take it easy." Those words reminded me of him.
"Good things come to those who wait." That became my motto.
"Yes, I will wait."
YOU ARE READING
Unwithered Love
ContoAngel could not wonder why she loved dearly someone who treated her like a sister. She was hurting so much, but was never tired of loving him. She gave her heart to Michael without expecting to love him back. Love lingers in her heart... like a flow...
