Unwithered Love

Chapter 4 : Bitterness on Denial

I had a week to finish the second semester. Thinking about the coming summer vacation brought no excitement to me. I had nothing in mind. No excitement. No plans. If possible I wanted to go to a place where nobody could find me except Michael. Oops, I had to delete the last two words. Allow me to repeat: I wanted to go to a place where nobody could find me. I wanted to be alone so I could process something unresolved in my heart.

It was Monday, I set the alarm clock 4 in the morning to review for exams. I heard some people singing outside the door. I thought that was the alarm. Since the door knob was just near to my bed, I reached on it and opened the door. My roommates were serenading for me. I almost forgot it was my birthday. Eunice was the one playing the guitar. It flashed in my mind; I remembered Michael was really good with that instrument. Trying to erase the thought of him, I smiled looking at the faces of my roommates, with their groggy hair from sleep. I find them funny and cute. But I admired all of them for their diligence with their studies. In fairness they sang very well. Surely they had chance to practice when I was not around. After that singing and giving their wishes for me, we feasted quickly on the hot pandesal and hot chocomilk they'd prepared.

Just right on time the bell rang at exactly 5 o'clock for the morning devotion. All of us went to the chapel. Some dormmates gave me a happy greetings.

Usually after the morning devotion the girls would go back to sleep or would take a bath and hurried to the cafeteria. That morning I decided not to go to the cafeteria since I had eaten pandesal earlier that morning.
After my bath I got my Chemistry book and went back to the chapel.
I was seriously memorizing some terminologies when the assistant dean greeted me and handed me a birthday card. I thought it came from Chlouie. I was surprised when I looked at the sender. The initial was M.J.

My hands were cold and shaking, and I could clearly hear the throbbing of my heart. I opened the envelope quickly to see if it was really from Michael. I began to read:
"Hi, Angel. How are you? I wish I could greet you personally. Happy birthday! Glad to know that you are having fun in there. Please take care. God bless you. Hugs and kisses. Kuya Michael."

I ran to my room and threw the card inside the trash can. I lay on my bed covering my face with a pillow,and then I started to cry until there were no more tears to shed.

Somebody knocked on the door, I did not open. Suddenly, Eunice and Chelsea, our roommate,came in singing again the "Happy Birthday" song.

"Angel, Chlouie is outside. He bought you a cake! Go and get it so we can have our dessert. "Eunice got my pillow playfully and upon seeing my red face and puffy eyes she worriedly asked,

"What happened?"

I grabbed back the pillow from her and turned my back. Chelsea probably saw the card in the trash and showed it to my sister.

"You should be happy he remembers you. And you have someone outside waiting for you. Get up and face your boyfriend,"Eunice told me softly.

I didn't move. Impatiently my sister went out of the room and said with a stern voice,

"Jelly, oh my Jelly!"

It was almost 10 a.m. when I rose from my bed. I was alone. All were in their classes. I just realized that I missed my Chemistry exam. I stood up to drink water and saw my face at the mirror- I looked very ugly.

I started to feel my stomach's grumbling. I could not go to the cafeteria with that face. And how do I explain it to Chlouie? I feel stupid and guilty. I was never fair to Chlouie. He gave me so much love, yet he never questioned my feelings towards him. I had to talk to him and be honest with him.

Lying down on my bed with closed eyes, composing on what to say to Chlouie, I heard somebody came in and put some things on the table. I pretended to be sleeping. It could be my sister. I began to feel the guilt again. I slowly opened my eyes and looked what was on the table. A small box. It must be the cake from Chlouie. Beside the box were a platter of rice with fried mixed veggies and a bottled soya milk. A small note was tucked under it. I read: "Please eat. I love you, sissy Jelly. Happy birthday!"

Tears started to fall again.

I was really hungry that I finished everything on the plate. I got up to get wipes on my locker, and there on top of my Bible I saw the card from MJ, from my Kuya Michael. I closed the locker, but the words "Kuya Michael" kept ringing in my mind.

So that's it! I was just his little sister, and he was just my big brother!

"Now, stupid brains, get back to your senses. I will be fine. I have Chlouie! You can tell that big brother to find another sister, because I don't need a brother whatsoever!"