Unwithered Love

Chapter 16: The Battle

That was last week of November when I received the first letter of Michael. I was expecting he would write to me again. After a week of no reply to my letter, I wrote him another one, but still no reply from him. I tried not to entertain some negatives thoughts. One thing I believed, Michael would not do it on purpose.He would never disappoint me. He would never intend to hurt me.

Before Christmas break came, I sent him another letter and a Christmas card. The holidays were over; I expected again that when I go back to school, a letter is waiting for me. But nothing came. I hid the pain, but doubts started to battle me. I was struggling, yet I chose to hold on and continue waiting.

The month of March came, praying and hoping he would remember my birthday. But it was just another heartbreak.

Final exam was done. Still no words from Michael.

I don't know what to think then. I was hurting so much. I told myself not to cry anymore. Why would I cry to someone who would never cry for me? Why would I waste my time to someone who does not really care? Why would I expect too much when little was sparely given? I was disheartened. Yet I never stop praying for him. I am broken, but the love I have for him did not change. The more I try to hate him, the more the love I have for him. The harder I try to forget him, the more I miss him. Was this love, or just mere foolishness?

Despite of my distress, I was still grateful. Grateful because I had something to look back on. Michael had never said that he loves me. It was maybe unspoken, but it was felt. That enough should pacify and comfort my breaking heart.

Another summer time came for me to face. Another season of waiting and heartaches.

I was talking to mom about the coming semester. She told me to transfer to another school since Eunice just recently graduated.
I did not know how to answer her. I simply said yes, but my heart opposed. Questions arose from my head again like: Do I need to wait for one more year? Do I need to go through again the painful process of waiting? Is it worth waiting when all the while he's been ignoring me and probably have forgotten me?
Then maybe it's  time for me to give up then. Maybe it's the time for me to move on. Then I should start the moving on to another place and meet new people and face another challenge.

Was this running away, or finding the answers to these confusions? Yes, maybe this somehow would resolve the never ending battle of my heart and my mind.