Unwithered Love

Chapter 20: The Test of Faith

"Lord, You know me completely in and out. Help me, with your sufficient grace, to be a good mother to my child, and a good wife to my husband. Whatever lies behind, help me learn from it. Set my eyes on You, so I would be able to do things not for myself but for the glory of Your Son, Jesus. Amen."

That was my prayer after the wedding. I believed that everything happened for a purpose. I would be forever grateful to God inspite of my failures in life. His forgiveness was always available for me, and He would never condemn me. I cried over with my mistakes, my wrong choices, my sins. It all ended yesterday. And now having this new life, I committed everything in the hands of my Abba Father.

It never came to my mind that after the wedding I have to leave my family. It was really painful to say goodbye to them especially to my father. The heaviness in my heart made me realize how much I loved my parents. That day when we were about to leave, I heard my Dad talking to Diovi. He said, "Take care of my Angel and my grandchild, and please... if you can no longer take good care of them, just bring them back to us."

Diovi replied assuring my parents not to worry. Mom and Dad hugged us. My sister patted Diovi on his shoulder. I looked at her, with tears in my eyes, then she whispered to me,
"Stop crying, I want my niece to be pretty. I'm just a call away." She hugged me with a smile on her face.

When I looked at them before I went to the car, I smiled, to show them that I would be okay. Dad waved his hand and quickly went inside the house. I saw my mom wiped her tears, with Eunice putting her arm around her. When the car started to move, Diovi held my hand and smiled at me.He said,

"Sorry for taking you away so early from them."

After that he touched my tummy. I leaned on his shoulder with prayer in my heart. "Bless Diovi, Lord. I hope I did the right decision."

The first few months were the adjustment period. We discovered more of our weaknesses and our strengths. I did not have a hard time with my in-laws. They took care of me very well. When the baby was born, she became the apple of the eyes of everybody. Diovi could not believe that he's already a father when he first carried the baby. We were all delighted to have our princess. She's a darling to everyone. She became the reason for me to wake up every morning.

Somehow living with my in-laws was not easy. How I wished we could separate from my in-
laws so I could manage my own home. But it disappointed me when I saw the weaknesses of Diovi. He was so dependent to his sisters. He had ways that irritated me because he seemed to forget that he's already married. I would just bite my lip if there were times I had frustrations on him. I was patiently praying that he would mature and become responsible. I began to question if he was still the one I knew in Cebu, who was very loving and thoughtful and responsible as a student. What happened to him?Did he change? No, this is the real Diovi. I did not want to be upset with the immaturity of my husband. What I did was to devote my time and my love to my baby Princess.

I thought nothing could go wrong with my Princess who inspired me everyday. But another unbearable pain had come to test my faith. Our Princess was only a month old that time when mom and Eunice visited us. It broke my heart when they told me that dad was really sick. Mom confessed that dad has cancer and they found it before I went home from Cebu. I could not believe I was hearing those words. I cried in anguish, then I remembered when Dad hugged me, after Eunice had told them about my pregnancy. It flashed back in my mind his sorrowful face during my wedding. I was wondering why he was able to manage the heartache, eventhough he was struggling with his cancer and his possibility of dying. I was crying out loud and I even questioned God if He is punishing me. Was this the consequence of my sin and why it had to be my father who has to suffer? I knew it was wrong to question God. But I felt so guilty.

Eunice tried to comfort me. She said she could not also accept it when she found out about the cancer. She told me how hard it is for her but she needs to be strong for mom and for me. All the while, I knew nothing because they were worried about me. They decided not to tell until I give birth. I hugged my mom, I knew she was trying to be strong. I imagined her crying alone and being worried about me. Lord, what have I done to them? But mom and dad hid it from me because they are more concerned of me and the baby. I hated myself to death.

They do not deserve these,Lord. All they do is for my good and my sister. It is I, I have done nothing but to hurt them.Forgive me,God.

After what was revealed, we had decided to go home and be with my father. Eunice was glad about it because she needs to go back to Manila for her studies. When we arrived home, Dad was happy to see us. I just embraced him and I cried on his shoulder. He looked at me and smiled, "Do not cry. I'm still strong."
He looked at my princess and cuddled her. His eyes were gleaming when he held the tiny hand of my baby. He said with pride in his voice, "What an adorable princess..more beautiful than my Angel."

That made me smile but my eyes were filled with tears.

So during our stay there, I helped mom in taking care of dad. I saw her strength and dad also was trying to fight. But there were times I tried to evade because it was unbearable to see my dad in pain.
After a few months, his strength deteriorated. He was rushed to the hospital. That day he could still talk. Diovi went to my dad to see him before he left. My inlaws told him to come home. When I was alone Dad called me to his bed and held my hand. I tried to hold my tears. Then he asked,

"Are you happy with Diovi?"

I did not answer him,
and I looked away since my tears started to fall. He continued,

"Leave your husband while you got only Princess."

I could not understand why he was talking that way. I was just crying in front of him.

The next day I called Eunice by phone. I told her mom and I need her. That day I saw my dad peacefully resting in bed. All of a sudden the nurse told me to go out of the room. Mom was standing beside my dad. I did not know what was happening. After a few minutes I looked inside and saw my mom crying on the floor. The doctor was cheking the pulse of my dad. Then I heard the loud cry of my mom. I went in sobbing and asked mom, she would not answer me. She kept on crying. Then I looked at my dad and went to him. He has left already. My daddy has left me.