Normal is Boring

*Smiles*

I talk about me like I am a different person.

"Yeah I was just really emotional today."

"Ignore what I said earlier today I was just being dramatic."

"Sorry for saying that I'm just over emotional."

I am making excuses for being myself. 

I am apologizing for me.

"Sorry I'm just really anxious right now."

"Can you please stop that, it makes me anxious."

What I find the most interesting are the lies I tell people.

"I'm just going to go to the bathroom."

I'm just going to go outside for a bit."

"I'm fine."

"I'm just tired"

"I'm not feeling well."

It is just so much easier to say those things instead of...

"I'm so anxious right now I feel like jumping head first into concrete."

"I'm so anxious right now that I have to step outside so I can say a list of horrible things about myself to make it okay that I am who I am."

Sometimes I have to come up with a reason on the spot.

"I was outside because it was hot in here."

When I could just say what I am actually doing.

"Actually no I was outside because right now there are too many people in this room."

"Why did you leave?"

"I wasn't feeling well."

"I didn't have a place to be. I didn't have someone to sit by. Or a chair to sit in. Or a corner to stand in. I didn't have a place."

"Where did you go?"

"Oh I was just in the bathroom."

"No I was in the basement under a cushion hyperventilating and muttering nonsense to myself and rubbing my feet together and pushing my hands on my head because there are too many thoughts."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm great!"

*Smiles*