Normal is Boring

Cracked

One time I broke my arm. I was trying to do a handstand and one of my friends landed on me and I cracked my Ulna and my Radius. I've told this story before but it's funny now I find it strangely relevant. I was trying to fly. I was trying to feel light as air. 

And my friend landed on me and I cracked.

Crack. Funny.

Crack. 

In middle school when my anxiety was so overbearing that I had to go see a nice women named Tara. 

In middle school when I would miss history every Wednesday. In middle school when every day was a battle. 

Crack. 

In middle school my closest friendship began to crack. 

Crack. 

In middle school I was so anxious before school that I would just sit and stare at walls. Completely trapped in my own head. 

Crack. 

In high school, freshman year when I had a panic attack in English. 

In high school, sophomore year when I had a panic attack and broke up with my "boyfriend". 

In high school, junior year when I fell in love with my gay best friend. 

In high school, senior year when I lost my closest friend because we cracked a little too far. 

Crack. 

Everyone I get close to leaves.

Crack. I break people. 

Crack. 

I'm breaking. 

Crack. 

Harrison. 

Oh Harrison, you were an epic love. 

Crack. 

I showed you a side of me I had never shown anyone. I let myself crack in front of you. 

Crack. 

We got through so many broken moments. I was willing to shatter for you. But in the end after all the cracks. All the breaking. 

You shattered me. 

I'm broken. 

And now I put myself back together again.