Normal is Boring

Its happened before

I hold onto the happiness I'm given like it's a calm rain after a long drought.
I soak it up and hang on like it's my last chance.
My last chance before I dry up again and I'm empty.
Empty.
Dry to the bone. Emptiness.

People are my happiness. People are my rain after a long drought.
They make me feel again. They make me love again. They fill me up.
And I hold onto their hearts like they will be gone the next day.
I hold on.
Because I'm scared of the emptiness.
I'm scared of the drought.

You fill me up.
I'm in love with you. You're my calm rain after a long drought but I'm afraid that you are slowly learning that I need you to survive.
I'm afraid that you push your real feelings toward me down because you're afraid of me.

You will soon realize that I am not perfect. I am selfish. I am evil. I am worthless.
I will slowly break you apart until you can't take anymore.
It's happened before.
Because I break people.
You will leave.
And I will be empty again.
And I will be here.
Alone.
Again.

I'm a very sad person.
I cry a lot but the tears are proof that I am feeling and they are kind of like rain.

I'm sorry I put you through all this.
I'm sorry I'm this way.
I'm sorry I love you.
I'm sorry you're in pain.
I'm sorry I caused this pain.
I'm sorry.