So You're Leaving?

clues to the past

Johnny walked up the stone driveway slowly taking in all the sights and smells of autumn in Virginia. The leaves were a deep gold color and the air had turned cool. He smelled something baking in the house. There was something truly wonderful about this place. Everyone was nice to him and tried to make him feel at home. He enjoyed working at Matt's clinic, Wendy and Tom were like real parents to him and he especially liked going riding with his Uncle Will, whether it be on the horses he raised or in the Corvette. And there were animals everywhere. Cats, dogs, horses, chickens, all rescued from some sad situation, kind of like him. The place was full of love. All the same, he was painfully homesick and desperately missed the gang. They were the only real family he had known for so long. And he knew very well that he had hurt a lot of people when he had left. Wendy had lined the walkway to the porch with pumpkins that Johnny had helped Matt harvest out of the garden. She had told him to pick one to carve and he had chosen the biggest one he could find. That one sat at the bottom of the stairs waiting for it's face. Right next too it sat Felix, the black tom cat that had been dumped off by someone at the house as a kitten. Johnny shook his head. It looked like it was right out of a magazine- black cat, big orange pumpkin. gold leaves. Felix looked at him and meowed. Johnny gave him a pat on the head. Part of him was really looking forward to carving pumpkins, but part of him felt very lonely when he thought about it. He had carved pumpkins with Ponyboy and Soda a few times which had been really fun, and he had been with Dally and Two-Bit when they went out smashing jack-o-lanterns. He really hadn't enjoyed that at all, but he really missed Dally and Two-Bit and staring down at the gigantic pumpkin reminded him of that night. Johnny heard a thumping sound and looked up to see two big black eyes peering at him through the screen door. Johnny grinned. "Hey, Coal..." he opened the door and a timid little black puppy waddled out of the house and leaned shyly up against him. Coal was an abuse case from a city several miles away. He had been brought to Matt's clinic by some people who had rescued him. He was half dead from starvation and terrified of human beings. Johnny was the only one who could get near him without him crying. There were dozens of critters wandering the property, in the house and out, and Johnny loved them all. But Coal was his dog. From the first day he saw him, he knew that was his dog. Johnny went inside and said hello to Grandma Cade and went upstairs. Grandma returned his greeting warmly without looking up. She was in her rocking chair in the parlor, hunched over trying to untangle a wad of yarn while a scruffy looking orange kitten swatted at the dangling ends. Grandma Cade had been knitting something for the past few weeks and, to Johnny's relief, she had been completely absorbed in her work. It wasn't that she wasn't nice, she was just...strict. She reminded him a bit of how Darry was with Ponyboy, always making sure he got his work done, brought home good grades, ate all his vegetables, etc... She made him nervous. And strangely enough, he sensed that something about him made her nervous. He couldn't fathom what. Right now, though, he had other things on his mind. As he had gotten more comfortable with his surroundings, he had started to do a little exploring. Wendy had told him the he could have the run of the house and nothing was off limits to him. Slowly, he was starting to feel at ease with that. And yesterday, something in the bigger bedroom, one of the two Wendy had offered him (he had chosen the smaller one) had piqued his curiosity. Coal followed close at his heels as he entered the big room and pulled some books off the shelf. They were photo albums. Pictures of his past. Well, not his past, exactly. He wasn't in any of the photos, just people in his family. Johnny sat down on the bed with the books and opened them up. There were pictures of Wendy and Tom and Matt when he was really little. There were a few photos of Grandma Cade and some of his Uncle Will. And there were, of course, pictures of his parents. He found these pictures a little disturbing. He really didn't miss them at all. And it was strange to see them so young. His father looked much more fit and his mother had apparently, at one time, been an incredibly attractive woman. Johnny moved on to another book, one with much older photos. There were pictures of Grandma Cade when she was younger and there were a few pictures of Grandpa Cade. He had passed away a long time ago, that Johnny knew, but he didn't know anything else about his grandfather. And there were pictures of another man in the book that Johnny didn't recognize. A mean looking man that reminded him of his father. Perhaps a great uncle? He wasn't sure. But he knew he didn't like him. It was something about the eyes...pale and cold like his father's. The picture actually frightened him enough to have to close the book and move on to a new one. As he started to flip through the third book, a picture fell out onto the floor of a very young child. He picked it up and was so absorbed in it that he didn't notice Coal starting to whine. He looked closer at the child. At first, he thought he had actually found a photo of himself, but upon closer inspection, he realized it was not. "Johnny," The voice made him draw in a quick breath. Grandma Cade stood in the doorway with a disapproving look on her face. Coal crawled under the bed. "S-sorry. I was just-" Grandma Cade's face softened. "Here," she said picking up the albums and putting them back on the shelf. "I just finished making a batch of cookies. I thought you might like a snack when you got home this afternoon. I thought it might help you study better before dinner. You can't study very well on an empty stomach, now can you?" Johnny shook his head. "Would you like to come downstairs and have some?" Johnny shrugged. "Sure," he said as he got up to follow her. She stopped in the doorway and turned around. "You can come too, Coal. I'm sure we can find something that you'd like too." But of course, Coal just peered at them from beneath the bed ruffle. He would come out when he felt good and ready, Johnny knew. Grandma continued through the hallway and down the stairs. "I declare, you certainly have a way with that pup. He's taking a liking to you like no one else." In the kitchen, Johnny took a seat at the table while his grandmother went about getting him a proper place setting before serving him a cookie. He had started to get used to her mannerisms. She liked to wait on people. She loved to feed people. And Johnny really couldn't complain about being fed. He was suddenly starting to realize how truly unhealthy he had been. He felt so much better now. He was getting plenty of food and more rest than he'd ever had. He was fairly sure this was contributing to the improvement in his school work. He was actually getting fairly decent grades. The first few weeks had been difficult. He had felt horribly out of place and very uncomfortable. Wendy had gotten him some new clothes, but he wished she had suggested that he do something with his hair. There weren't greasers here. Fortunately, there weren't socs either. And Wendy was not one to tell Johnny how to look. So he had finally ended up going on his own for a hair cut one day. Part of him felt relieved to look a little more like everyone else, and part of him felt like he had just thrown his identity right out the window and worse yet, betrayed his gang. He started thinking about them again. He missed them all so much. He thought about calling them after dinner, but every time he talked to them on the phone, he felt more and more sad... Grandma set a tall glass of milk in front of him, interrupting his thoughts. "What's on your mind?" she asked. He looked up quickly, not realizing that he'd been kind of staring off into space. "Uh.. oh, nothing," he lied. He didn't want to talk about the gang right now. It was too hard. So instead, he asked her a question. "Um...Who's that old guy in the photo albums... not Grandpa Cade, but the one who looks really mad... Who is that?" The moment he asked, he wished he hadn't. An eerie silence filled the room. Grandma Cade looked deeply concerned all of a sudden. But not surprised. She didn't look surprised one bit, as though she had wondered all along how long it would be before Johnny asked that. It was a while before she answered. A long uncomfortable quiet during which Johnny continued to wished with all his might that he had asked her any question but that one. "That was Charles Hamilton... my first husband." Johnny just looked at her for a moment. He didn't know how to respond. "Oh," he said finally, as though she had just told him one of the ingredients in the cookie he was eating. She waited as though she expected him to ask something else, but he didn't. He was done questioning her for the moment.