So You're Leaving?

going back

The T-Bird sped down the dark highway, and behind the wheel Dally chewed nervously at his lip. He had been repeatedly asking himself if he might have gone completely insane. I'm driving all the way out there for nothing, he kept telling himself. I'm going to lose my job at the stables, I'm going to make the gang wonder where the heck I am and I'm going to make a complete fool of myself to Johnny's family. But something in his gut was telling him to keep going. What are you going to do when you get there? The voice inside him asked again. Walk in the door and say "I have this feeling that the bad side of the family might be coming, I think, so... uhhh..."? Dally groaned inwardly imagining the scene. So many thoughts raced through his mind. Thoughts of doubt on one side and then another side completely shaken by the idea that maybe this wasn't as crazy as it seemed. What if Johnny's father was headed out there right now? Should I have called Johnny to warn him? Johnny doesn't even know the whole story... he wouldn't get it. Should I have stopped by the Curtis house and let them know where I was going? Dally drove through Windrixville and saw the church steeple in the distance. Momentarily, his thoughts shifted to the old abandoned building. He had pointed it out to Ponyboy on the way home on the train. Ponyboy had asked some questions and gazed at it out the window as they passed by, seeming genuinely interested. Eventually, Dally had to stop for gas. While he was at the station, he decided he would call the Curtis house and at least let someone know where he was. It was Ponyboy who answered. "You're where?" he asked, shocked. "I'm only going for a little while." "Why... why didn't you tell anyone?" he stammered in confusion. "I don't know, I just decided. It was last minute. Look, I gotta go, but you remember what we talked about before... on the train. You keep those grades up, you got it? No more fighting with your brother." "Yeah, " Ponyboy sounded a little disappointed as he hung up the phone. Dally hoped the kid wouldn't start hanging out with Curly again while he was gone. He started to put another dime in phone to call Johnny's family, but he decided against it. The farther away he got from Tulsa, and the more time he had to think about it, the more resolved he became to the idea that he might be blowing things out of proportion. He got back in the car and thought seriously about turning around. But he didn't. He continued on and drove for hours, stopping only for gas, bathroom breaks and an occasional coffee. The sun had come up (and had been up) for the second time during his trip when he pulled in the driveway of the Cade-Gates Residence. He felt completely foolish as he climbed the steps of the front porch and knocked on the door. He knew Tom and Will would be out in the stables, Johnny would be at school and only Grandma Cade or Wendy would be home. Grandma Cade appeared at the window and looked completely shocked. She flung open the door. "Dallas? Dallas, what are you doing here? Are you all right?" she asked in as close to a frantic tone as Dally had ever heard her use. She took him by the arm and lead him into the entry hall. Dally almost laughed. She would never call him "Dally". It was always Dallas. And he never would have believed that anything could rattle the old lady, but she certainly seemed concerned. Then he caught a look at himself in the hallway mirror. "Oh," he said and ran his hand over his hair and rubbed his eyes. "Did you drive all the way here all by yourself?" "Yeah." "Have you slept?" "No." Grandma Cade folded her hands then and suddenly looked a lot more like her old self. "Well. I can't have much sympathy for you then, can I? Why would you do something like that?" Dally didn't answer her right away. She turned away from him suddenly and headed towards the kitchen. He followed. "I suppose you're here to tell Johnny the truth about his past." She said sitting down at the table with her cup and saucer. "Would you care for some tea?" Dally shook his head as he took a stool at the counter. He was still feeling weird about why he was there. "No, actually..." he dropped his head into his hands, groaning. "I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing here." It was going to take some effort to actually explain himself. He was glad Grandma Cade was the only one home as she was the only one he could tell. She sat patiently, waiting for Dally to gather his thoughts. Something was up and she knew if she gave him the space and the time he needed, he would tell her what was bothering him. She knew how to handle him. The moment she had met Dallas Winston, she sensed they shared something. Something in their pasts that made them two of a kind. She saw in him the same pain that she had experienced, the same determination to survive and the same intensity in his protectiveness of Johnny that she had for her family. She knew how to get through to him because he was just like her. So she was never forcefull with him, but she was firm. She kept her distance from him, gave him his space, but never minced words. She knew when she talked to him about things like church and school, that he was listening. Not necessarily agreeing, but listening. She told him like it was. And he did the same with her. Whatever it was that had brought him here, he would tell her because somehow, she had earned his trust even before the rest of the family. She thought about this as she waited. It was obvious that he liked the rest of the family, but he didn't trust easily. Grandma Cade was confident, though, that he would learn to trust them all, once he got used to them. They were good people. She could already see him opening up to Tom a bit and, though he didn't quite know what to make of Wendy's mothering, Grandma Cade guessed that Dallas would come to realize it was something that he had been missing all his life. She just hoped the secret that they needed to reveal did not undo all the carefully woven threads of everyone's world when it was brought to the surface. But as much as she had Dally figured out, Grandma Cade was not prepared for what he told her. "I got this crazy feeling that... " Dally shook his head and hesitated. He looked at the old woman sitting across from him. It's ok, he thought as he made eye contact. You can tell her. You have to tell her! "Ok. I got this feeling that Johnny's dad was going to come out here, I don't know." Grandma Cade face turned ashen. She took a moment before responding. She did not let on how serious of a problem this could be. "What exactly gave you this feeling?" Dally was not about to tell her about the nightmares and the "ghost" if that's what it even was. But he didn't have to. There were other things too. He told her about the incident in the bar with Tim and Buck and how people knew where Johnny was. "It's crazy. I just-" Dally shrugged, unable to finish his sentence. Grandma Cade looked pensive for a moment. Dally could tell she was trying to decide whether or not to be concerned. "I have been trying over the past several days to prepare Johnny to hear about this, I have told him there are some things we need to discuss about his family. He seems to shy away whenever I try to approach him about it." "If you had his family, you wouldn't want to talk about it either." "No, I suppose I wouldn't. And you forget, I did have his family." Dally remained silent. "I think you were right to act on your suspicions. Although," she said smiling somewhat. "I think a phone call would have been easier." Dally rolled his eyes. "You think?" Grandma Cade stirred her tea quietly. "So, what do we do? I mean, this is totally ridiculous, right?" At that moment, Wendy came in the door. "Mother?" she called. "Whose car- Dally!" She stopped short when she saw him and almost dropped her groceries. She put them down on the table and ran over to him. "Dally! What are you doing here?" He fliched slightly when she hugged him, not used to physical contact from adults being anything other than violent. Grandma Cade watched the exchange out of the corner of her eye. Dally was a bit tense when Wendy got too close to him, but he was visibly more relaxed than when they'd first met. She knew how to handle Dally too, she just went about it differently. Wendy pushed Dally back and held him at arms length, looking at him like a concerned mother. She took his face in her hands and her forehead wrinkled. "Sweetie, you look like you haven't slept in a week!" She felt his head. "Why, you look just awful!" She was aware of the fact that Dally tensed each time she touched him, but she had seen enough abused animals, horses in particular, to know that it just took patience. And she knew if she could calm animals as wild as some of the ones she had seen, she could get through Dally's shell too. "Now, you come right in here and sit on the sofa, I'm going to bring you some apple cider." Dally glanced at Grandma Cade as Wendy led him to the sofa in the other room. Grandma Cade appeared to be deep in thought. "Johnny's gone to school," Wendy said motioning for Dally to sit down. "But he will really be happy to see you when he gets home! This is wonderful to have you back!" Wendy called as she made her way back to the kitchen for the cider. Grandma Cade had disappeared as Wendy returned to the sofa with a glass for Dally. "But I don't understand why you look like you drove all the way here and didn't sleep!" She looked at him scoldingly. Dally just shrugged. Wendy studied him, concern written all over her face. She knew he wasn't going to tell her anything. "Well... I'd like you to be more careful in the future. That really wasn't very safe! And where did you get the car?" Dally wasn't sure if he was tired or if he'd gone completely out of his mind, but instead of feeling angry about being questioned and told how to live his life, he suddenly felt...content. He gave no answer to Wendy's questions, though. She was already headed back to the kitchen, promising to bring him something to eat. When Dally awoke, there was a blanket covering him, a sandwich on the coffee table and a dog licking his face. "Get off!" Dally sat up. "Dally?" Johnny shouted from the front hallway, obviously having recognized Buck's T-Bird in the driveway. Coal grabbed the sandwich off the plate on the coffee table and took off. "Hey!" Dally shouted and got off the couch. He was immediately tackled to the ground by Johnny and the two got into a wrestling match that rivaled the ones that went on at the Curtis house. Only this time, Johnny was much stronger than in the past. For several minutes, Dally actually began to fear defeat. Fortunately, Coal had finished the sandwich and was ready to play. He snarled and nipped at the two boys, finally getting hold of Johnny's sleeve and pulling. Johnny let out a gasp and tried to push Coal back. Sensing his opportunity, Dally shifted his weight and pounced, pinning Johnny's shoulders to the floor. "Damn dog!" Johnny cursed. Then he looked up at Dally and grinned. "It's great to see you, man!" "It's good to see you too, kid," Dally said, trying desperately to hide the fact that he was out of breath. And the inevitable question, "What are you doing here?" Dally tried the shrug answer he'd given Wendy. "I don't know," he added. Johnny just looked at him, confused. "What do you mean, you don't know? Did.. did you drive here? By yourself?" Dally got up and looked tiredly around the room, trying to just avoid the question. "You wanna go outside for a smoke?" he asked, fumbling around his jacket pockets for his cigarettes." "I don't smoke anymore," Johnny said, getting up to follow Dally outside. "Well, la te dah!" Dally mocked, staying a couple steps ahead of Johnny, and searching his exhausted mind for another subject. School? No. The girl. "How's your girlfriend?" He could almost feel Johnny blushing from behind him. Ah ha, he smiled to himself. He had successfully stepped out of the spotlight. "Fine." There was the slightest hint of a smile in Johnny's voice. Dally stopped and turned around at the door. He looked at Johnny, grinning. "You kissed her, didn't ya?" Johnny looked at his shoes and shoved his hands in his pockets. Dally just continued to grin slyly as he lit his cigarette and meandered out onto the porch. "What else?" he asked, leaning against the railing and blowing a perfect smoke ring. Johnny's head shot up. "Nothing!" he almost yelled, then he cringed and looked around. He looked back at Dally, his eyebrows lowered defensively as he whispered, "Nothing!" Dally let out a dramatic sigh. "Fine, if you don't want to tell me-" "Dal, I'm serious, she's not like that. She doesn't want to... you know, do that kind of stuff... till she's... married." Johnny was beet red and looking as though he wanted to crawl under the porch and die. But then he looked right at Dally and his voice steadied. "And I'm going to respect that." Dally grinned. "Good for you, kid. Good for you. She's a nice girl. I'm just messin' with you." "I know," Johnny looked at the ground again. Dally flicked some ashes into the bushes and looked at Johnny. The kid looked great, even better than Dally's first visit. He was healthy, happy and full of energy and, at the moment, embarassment. "So, things are going well, I take it?" Dally said, keeping any inflection out of his voice. Johnny dropped his guard somewhat hesitantly, and smiled a little. "Yeah. Things are going great!" Dally nodded. "Good." "What's going on back home? How is eveyone?" "They're fine-" "Dallas Winston!" Dally was interrrupted by Will and Tom who had spotted the car in the driveway from the barn and come up to investigate. They both came up and patted him on the back, barraging him with questions and greetings. Grandma Cade appearing from nowhere, stepped out onto the porch to rescue him. "All right, boys. Let's let Dallas put his things away and get settled! The poor child hasn't had a wink of sleep in over 24 hours." Dally scowled at being refered to as a child, but Grandma Cade just raised an eyebrow as if to say, "Would you rather explain why your're here?" She snatched Dally's cigarette as he walked by. Dally wandered into the entry hall ignoring Johnny's snickering. Johnny tagged along at Dally's heels as he headed upstairs and into "his" room. Dally flopped down on the bed and flung his arm across his eyes. Johnny sat down on the bed beside him. Coal jumped up too. "So how long are you staying? You wanna go outside after you put away your stuff? We could take the horses out-" Dally laughed and groaned. The kid was so much more talkative now. "Yeah, we'll go hang out, Johnnycake. Give me half an hour to get some sleep and I'll go. Deal?" Johnny grinned. "Sure, Dal. I'll go get my math homework done." Dally reached up and ruffled his hair. "You do that." He was asleep before Johny left the room. When he opened his eyes again it was dark. Johnny must've decided to let him sleep. He didn't know what time it was, but he could tell that it was late. The house was quiet, but something had awakened him. There was a light shining on his ceiling. Was that always there? He didn't remember it from before... And then it went out. And he heard a car door slam. He felt his heart sink into the pit of his stomach.