Little Miss Loser

Chapter 01

"Girls, I'm getting married! Marc propose to me last night."

Masayang balita ni Annie sa group chat naming magbabarkada. So, finally. Sa dinami-dami man ng away-bati-breakup-getting-back-together nilang dalawa ay sa simbahan rin pala matutuloy.

All of us congratulated her. Lahat excited para sa upcoming wedding. Ang dami na nga agad nilang idea na sina-suggest. Designer ng gown, motif, klase ng cake at kung ano-ano pa.

Nagpaalam na ako sa kanila nang matanaw ko si Angelo na papasok na sa restaurant na madalas naming puntahan. I was sitting on our usual spot. Actually, I didn't expect him to ask me out today. Gusto ko nga sanang matulog maghapon dahil Sabado ngayon.

"Hmp. Kayo na may mga lovelife. Mamaya n'yan, Gabbi magpropose na rin sa'yo si Gelo. Ako na lang ang matitirang single sa'tin. Saklap." Nabasa ko pang komento ni Jen bago ko ni-lock ang phone ko.

Bigla akong napaisip. Proposal. Marriage. Having a family. Am I already ready for those kind of things? For that kind of commitment? Pinakiramdaman ko ang puso ko. Bakit hindi ako na-excite kahit konti? Yes, I like the idea of having someone to spend the rest of my life with. But unfortunately, I don't see it with Angelo.

His voice made me snap out from my thoughts. "Are you okay, Gabbi? You seem off. Gusto mo ihatid na lang kita?"

"No, I'm fine. I was just talking with the girls. Engaged na kasi si Annie. Last night lang." kaswal kong sabi.

Upon looking up, I noticed the strained expression on his face and I knew right then and there that what Jen said earlier is not going to happen.

"Really? That's good news. Tell them I said congratulations." Nakangiti niyang sabi at umupo na sa harap ko. But I felt the smile was halfhearted.

I nodded. Sa loob-loob ko, bakit pinatatagal pa niya? Alam ko na naman gusto na niyang makipaghiwalay. I've been through this a lot. Kabisado ko na ang galaw at tono nila kapag gusto na nilang umayaw.

May lumapit na waiter sa'min. Angelo asked if I want something. I told him water's fine. Alam ko namang hindi kami magtatagal dito. Masasayang lang ang pagkain at pera.

"Tungkol ba saan ang pag-uusapan natin?"

"Gabbi..." he started hesitantly. "I..."

I sighed. This is the third time this month. "Let me make this easier for you. You want a breakup, right?"

Surprise was written all over his face. He obviously didn't expect that I already knew what he was going to say.

"I'm sorry, Gabbi," umpisa niya. "I don't want to hurt you, it's just that..." Lahat nang 'yun nasundan pa ng mga dahilan niya. Like I'm not sweet enough, not thoughtful enough and everything about me is not enough. Kaya hinanap niya sa ibang babae 'yung hindi ko naibigay sa kanya.

I can't really blame him. Everything he said is true. Hindi ako malambing na girlfriend. It has always been their issue with me. But what can I do? This is who I am.

"I get it. We tried and it didn't work. End of story. I want to thank you though, for being honest with me." I replied coolly.

His mouth fell ajar at my answer. Clearly not expecting my nonchalant response. He opened his mouth just to close it again. Parang may gustong sabihin pero mas pinili na lang na 'wag ituloy.

"Okay. Then we're good." Tumango-tango siya bago tumayo. Sabay kaming lumabas ng restaurant at tinungo ang kanya-kanya naming sasakyan na parang walang nangyari.

"Angelo," I called him after a few steps. He stopped but didn't turn around. "I'm sorry. I really am."

Tumango lang siya at tumuloy na uli sa paglalakad. I felt kind of bad. Kahit pa'no ay may pinagsamahan na rin naman kami.