5sos and tr33s tour

Chapter 18: Why Can't She Love Me?

[TRIGGER WARNING // MENTIONS OF PANIC ATTACKS]

Caitlin's POV

As I'm running, I feel myself getting flustered and my breath shorten. Fuck, not now, I need to help Calum. I fall on the sand trying to do the breathing techniques Kira taught me. When that doesn't work I try using my senses; I feel the sand under my hands and concentrate on the sounds of waves crashing against the rocks, but the waves are too loud and the sand feels prickly. I can't hold it in any longer. I vomit next to a starfish, poor starfish I think. My mind suddenly goes blank and my vision turns to darkness.

Calum's POV

Why am I here? I know Caitlin's going to find me, I kinda want her too. Why am I so pissed? It's not like we were dating, she must be so confused, it's not her fault that I like her. I sigh and look at the waves, they are so calming. I turn my head and see Caitlin running towards me. She's wearing my Led Zeppelin hoodie, that makes my heart beat faster, bless, I love it when she wears my clothes, her scent of coconut clings to it when she returns them. She suddenly falls to the ground a few meters away from me, her face is red and she's crying, she is trying really hard to control her breathing. I get up and start making my way to her, is she having a panic attack? She told me that she was diagnosed with a panic disorder when she was fourteen. I don't know how to help her. I've nearly reach her when she throws up, I lean beside her but she has passed out.

I pick her up and walk back to the spare tour bus, even though I don't want to go there as that's where I found them. Even thinking about it makes me want to scream. I look down at her in my arms, that's when I realise she isn't wearing underwear, I pull down the hoodie covering her up. Why did she hurt me? We are adventure buddies and she has become one of my best friends. When we get to the bus I put her on the sofa and cuddle up with her, wrapping a blanket over us so we don't get cold. Why can't she see how much she means to me?