Diseased [Frerard] [Petekey]

Chapter 25

Gerard-

Rushing water. It was too fast for me to keep my head above the water.

There my head bobbed as I tried to come up for air and only getting hordes of water down my throat. It was dirty and unpleasant but that was the least of my worries. 

I was drowning.

I began to panic. Why was this lake rushing so fast? What was this lake's hurry?

Signs passes. I went under bridges. Cars with bright headlights were seen on either side of me as I floated violently down this moving lake.

This isn't a lake. It's a river. Rivers are even worse.

I began to try to scream out for help to the surrounding cars but once again, more water gargled in and out of my nose. Then, I went under. Instead of occasionally being able to see above water, the rough rocks dropped from beneath my feet. 

Down, down, down I went. I wasn't going back up without dying.

This was it. This was the end.

 I woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily. The dark heavy living room of Mikey's apartment engulfed me. It was better than the luke-warm murky water that engulfed me seconds earlier. 

I haven't dreamed about it since the year it happened. With all these recent dreams, going outside only made it worse. I have to go see Doctor Trohman again soon. I never wanted to get on the drugs to make it better because of my past with alcohol. 

Maybe now that I know I have self control, I can get on medication to stop flashbacks. I wrote down a reminder to schedule an appointment and tried to get back to sleep.

Tried. 

Frank-

Once again, I couldn't sleep. The only good sleep I've gotten these past few days is when I was drunk out of my mind and with Gerard. Maybe I won't drink as much as last night but...

I crawled out of bed, throwing on a shirt because my apartment was freezing. When they didn't turn on your heat in the Jersey winter, you were screwed. 

I went into the kitchen where the only thing digestible was the Fireball in the freezer. I popped open the cinnamon tasting alcohol and smelt it before drinking a swig straight from the bottle. I put it up, not wanting to overdo it. I sat on my couch and waited for the slight buzz to kick in. When all I felt was a tiny bit of dizziness, I went and took two more swigs.  

That's better.

I went into bed but still found my thoughts drifting to the slightly combative Gerard. Why didn't he want a ride? Is it because I was drunk? Because I kissed him? Because I forgot? Because I kissed him because I was drunk and because I was drunk I forgot?

I had to re-earn his comfort-ability. Kissing him was not the answer. The question is, should I be confrontational or should I pretend it never happened?

My head swam with questions until, eventually, my buzzed state put me to sleep. I woke up, feeling groggy and unaware. I laid there for a moment before sitting up and checking the time. 

It was relatively early for a weekend. It was only 11:32. I looked up showtimes for the next superhero fad and jumped in the shower. DISCLAIMER: Don't jump in the shower, that's highly dangerous. Before stripping down, I texted Gerard we'd see the 3:30 movie.

I stayed in the shower for quite a while, shampooing my hair 3 times for maximum scent from my coconut milk shampoo (yes, I use 'girl' shampoo, but, honestly? What defines a shampoo as girly or manly?) Then I conditioned it twice so it would be nice and soft. I made sure I washed all of that out before shaving my man legs.