Diseased [Frerard] [Petekey]

Chapter 31

Gerard-

It was all too familiar to me. The dream always began with me driving.

My eyes would drift closed sleepily, but a veer to the left would jerk me awake. It was fine.

There were trees on either side of me and no one was on the road. It honestly didn't matter.

I thought, "Maybe I should park and take a nap in my car? No, it'll be okay. There's only a few miles left".

My eyes drifted closed but I didn't jerk awake to a swerve. I jerked awake when a large noise sounded and I suddenly didn't have control of the wheel.

My car collided with water and I jerked off my seat belt and out of the car. This time, I wasn't alone in the water.

A small child, a few feet away, was struggling for air, just as I was. I tried to go over to him, but my muscles were failing me.

I felt as helpless as I do when I'm hurled into a panic attack. I couldn't help him.

He screamed for my help as his head kept going under.

"Daddy! Help me! I need help! Daddy! I can't swim!"

I couldn't swim either. I wished that I could suddenly learn and kick my legs and be the hero.

But alas, I was the villain.

~

When Frank asked to hang out, I knew I didn't deserve to go. I told him I was busy. I didn't want to see him. My stomach would flip. I would think about the son he lost and all the tears he lost over it. As I reflected upon it, I knew I had to tell him.

I decided to meet him. At the park, he awaited. I saw the eagerness in his eyes. He saw the despair in mine.

"What's wrong?" he asked as his smile dropped.

There I go, taking away his happiness again. God, I'm a terrible person. I'm so selfish. I need to think of him for once.

"Nothing, it was just a bit cold on my way over", I nodded.

"Oh, okay", he smiled again. "What do you want to do?" he asked.

"Hmm, what do you want to do?" I questioned.

"I haven't eaten yet, if you're hungry?" he offered.

"Sure, then we can go to Walmart or something and fuck around", I told him.

Suddenly he looked disgusted.

"Speaking of fucking around", he gagged. "Mikey and Pete are way too close in the office. Like, yikes".

I laughed along, kind of knowing the feeling.

"Wait, were they fucking in the office?" I asked, mortified when it caught up with me.

"Mhm", he nodded. "Well, about to. Pete was sucking face and Mikey was under him."

"Oh God", I shook the image out of my head. "Yikes".

"Yikes indeed. So, you wanna go get something?" he asked.

"Sure", I smiled.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked.