Diseased [Frerard] [Petekey]

Chapter 26

Frank-

I walked instead of driving this time. My phone was in my back pocket, connected to the ear buds that were shoved into my ears to block out everything else. As I walked through the crowds of Belleville that didn't compare to where I lived, I looked down.

I am positive talk has spread through this small town. The only escape was moving again. And I wasn't walking away from Miles like that again. In fact, I was going to see Miles. The church that was just on the edge of town was the location of the only cemetery in Belleville. 

It was where almost everyone in this area was buried at or their ashes were spread. I had spread Miles's ashes because the pained and saddened and betrayed look on his face was not one that I wanted to see ever again.

It reminded me of Gerard's pained, saddened, and betrayed look that I saw when I went off on him. 

Oh my GOD, Frank Iero, could you be any more stupid?

I opened the gates that I haven't visited as much as I should have. It was all too familiar, however. It was more populated, but I knew exactly where his was. How could I forget? I stood there, crying, for the longest time on multiple occasions. Now, I know he's in a better place. I looked out at the other three people who were visiting. I looked up and saw the dark, brooding clouds, threatening rain anytime now. 

But I was here for Miles. A little bit of water wasn't going to keep me from seeing my deceased son. 

Actually, it was in a sense. I haven't seen him in years physically because of water. 

But I wasn't going to think of it that way. I was going to think of it as "Suck my dick you rain, I'm still here".

I made my way, slowly, to his engravement.

The words on it were permanently etched into my brain.

Here lies Miles Iero
1997 | 2003
Loving son to Frank Iero.
Even the tiniest child leaves behind love that lasts forever.

My eyes were threatened by the tears, even though I promised myself I wouldn't cry. I wasn't even to his actual site. I was only thinking of my tiny Miles being flung off the bridge as the reckless driver crashed off, taking down chunks of cement and the young Miles with him. 

I thought about how I never knew or met that man. I didn't want to see the poor man. I had heard the stories: he was kept too late at night. 

What would suing do for my suffering? Absolutely nothing. So all I did was choose defeat. I walked away. But did the driver win?

I'm sure he was defeated as well. I couldn't imagine the suffering he goes through now. 

 I finally arrived. His plot was scantily clad. Like a hooker at night in Brooklyn, it had nothing. I was a terrible father. No flowers, no figurines, no anything. All I did was bring an ice cream cone. It was cheesy, but the reason Miles and I were out so late on that night was because he wanted ice cream and he had no school the next day. Him and I never anticipated being out so late.

Him and I never anticipated what would happen.

His favorite flavor is mint chocolate chip, but that night, Miles wanted to try something new, so he got birthday cake. I brought him both from the same shop. I had vanilla, plain and simple. 

I sat down on the ground, reminiscing about our short time together. Those were some of the best days of my life. 

"Miles, I hope you know that you're the best son any guy could ever ask for", I began to cry. "I'm going through a lot of conflicting feelings right now, and I wish you were here to help. I want you to say something like 'everything will be okay, dad' and hold my hand in your tiny little fist. I want you to say that ice cream will make it better. Here I am, and nothing is feeling better. I'm basically trash. I said a lot of things before thinking, but today was the worst. Please don't judge me Miles".

Then, I realized I shouldn't be ranting about my own problems. I should be apologizing.

"And I'm sorry I never visit. I should, I know I do. I'm terrible. How could I let this happen to you, let alone never make it up by leaving you here, alone", I wheezed through tears. "And I know ice cream won't make it better now, but I hope you enjoy it. I moved back here to see you more and I just got here. Your plot will never ever be bare again. I'll visit as often as I can. I don't care about anything else as much as I care for you, Miles".

"It's okay", someone's voice said.

"Miles?" I asked, in my moment of grogginess from the tears.

I felt stupid the second it came from my mouth. No, idiot, that's Gerard. 

"Sorry", I sniffled. "I'm really sorry". 

I jumped up and wrapped my arms around Gerard. At first he was stunned, but then he wrapped his arms around me and melted into the hug. He rested his head on my shoulder, despite the monstrous things I said earlier.

"I honestly didn't mean a word of it. I have serious anger issues and I should have never taken it out on you. You did nothing wrong", I babbled through my tears.

He just remained silent as he comforted me. When we pulled away, his eyes said it all. I knew there was nothing to worry about. It must have been like a movie scene, because that's when it began to rain. Gerard flinched as the droplets fell onto him.

"Do you wanna go?" he asked.

"You can go, I'm going to make up for lost time with Miles", I told him.

"Then I'll stay too", he smiled.

"You don't have to", I rolled my eyes.

"I want to", he said.

Then, he plopped himself down on the wet and muddy grass in his black skinny jeans. That'd be sure to ruin them, and mine, but I just sat down next to him. 

"Why are you here?" I sniffled.

"I visit my grandmother in times of trouble", he shrugged.

I caused that trouble, for the record.

"Awe, were you close?" he asked.

"Closer than anyone", he fake laughed. 

"I'm sorry", I looked down.

"It's okay, I hope whoever killed her is suffering," he looked angry as hell.

Here I was, feeling sympathy for the one who killed Miles, and Gerard wants this one to burn in hell. 

"Was it an accident?" I asked. "Miles died from an accident".

"No, someone shot her for standing up to gay rights", he cleared his throat. "How'd Miles d-, er... pass?"

It began to rain even harder now, and I could feel the dampness through my underwear. The cold ground made me shiver. I'm glad we both brought jackets because I wouldn't give mine away for the life of me right now. 

"Well, I never met the one who killed him because his brother begged for confidentiality, but one night, about two years ago, Miles and I were walking across a bridge and-". I began to say.