If Only...

Chapter 4: Love 101

The three of us walked back into our dorms in silence.

Drew rushed inside our room a new form of energy bubbling inside her after her first english slushie.

I was just about to follow her when I felt a force pull me back by my wrist.

"Yeah Marcus?"

He peered down at my hand and fiddled with my pinkie finger. Assuming he was curious about my ring I responded, "My dad sent me this ring. He loves owls."

The statement seemed to blow past Marcus as he continued to watch intently, "I just wanted an excuse to hold your hand."

I could feel the pink rise to my cheeks and before I could even think of something to say he kept speaking to me indirectly never meeting my eyes, "This was all I ever wanted."

He had laced our fingers together and with one glance at me, he dropped my hand and walked away in silence, not once looking back.

I was still in shock, paralyzed by the intensity of Marcus's words.

I walked into my room and with a hand gripping my forehead I slid to the floor in frustration.

*************

I woke up at 7 to get ready for my first class. I had psychology and in preparation of seeing Louis (unfortunately we were pursuing the same degree) I spent a little extra time on my look.

I wasn't trying to impress him. I swear I wasn't. But what's the harm in looking extraordinarily happy in front of your ex? Just a fuck you from me to you, my darling.

I buttoned up my white peterpan collared top and pulled over a cream knit sweater and jumped into my black skater skirt.

I added a tiny flick to my wing liner and coated my bottom lashes with mascara. With a touch of pink lip gloss, I pulled on my rectangular black framed glasses and returned to my bedside.

After lacing up my suede brown boots I tightened the straps of my backpack and grabbed my laptop carrier rushing down the hall and out the building.

I was always one of the firsts in class and it wasn't just for psychology, it was for all my courses.

"Goodmorning Lennox," my professor beamed.

A few other girls behind me snickered having not been mentioned. I smiled pompously flushed by his acknowledgement. I did my best to do well in this class because eventually I want my phD but I'd be lying if it weren't partially credited to impressing my hunk of a professor.

His olive skin had no imperfections and his transparent spectacles matched the sharp distinct outline of his jawline. It was his boldest feature and my favourite. His amber colored eyes sparkled underneath his charcoal hair that he combed to one side but always fluffed around the edges.

Caught in the admiration of his breathtaking looks I was taken back to reality at the sound of his clearing throat and smug smile that proved he knew of my ridiculous little daze.

"Goodmorning Dr. Malik," I mumbled pulling out my Mac laptop and nervously clicking the screen to life.

He smiled again and turned back to his podium as the class began to fill up.

Striding in with all the confidence in the world came Louis.

A plain white t-shirt clung to his torso with a logo draped across the front that read "I'm aFREUD not" a pun directed at known neurologist Sigmund Freud.

The nerdy t shirt contradicted the rest of his look where he bore torn black skinny jeans rolled up at the ankles and a pare of low top black and white converse.

Damn he looked good.

I quickly looked away before he caught me staring and my jaw nearly hit the surface of my desk when he slid into the seat to my right.

"Have you heard the new Radiohead song?" Louis whispered leaning out of his chair to reach me.

What the bloody hell.

You don't break up with someone and act like you're friends again.

That's only something a dumper says to a dumpee but it's actually fine printed in WE WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS AGAIN

I stole a glance at him to respond, his icey blue eyes the color of a swampy lake pooled around a green iris.

"No, any good?" I shrugged and returned my attention to the pencil I was anxiously twirling against the keyboard of my laptop.

"The absolute dogs bullocks," he chuckled and adjusted his left ankle to rest atop his right knee sliding back in his chair and smiling again.

He knew how much I love our cheesy British slang. One time we tried holding a conversation speaking entirely in stereotypical phrases and scenarios. I would boast about the queens tea party and he would recall his father being the prime minister.

I missed him.

I was snapped out of my bubble of memories when Mr. Malik drew me back into the classroom, "Lennox are you with us?"

I bit my lip and nodded already feeling the hint of pink rise in my cheeks. I was never one to blush and now that I am I couldn't stop the redness from blossoming.

Mr. Malik diverted my peers' attention by starting up his lecture, "Psychologist Zick Rubin proposed that romantic love is made up of three elements: attachment, caring and intimacy. Attachment is the need to receive care, approval, and physical contact with the other person. Caring involves valuing the other persons needs and happiness as much as your own. Intimacy is physical attraction, the sharing of deep desires. Trust."

I dared to glance at Louis.

His eyes already meeting mine.

His lips subtlety twitched into a small smile and I could feel my heart flutter and abruptly stop.

He gave a small laugh and turned back in his seat. It wasn't a mocking chuckle or an obnoxious outburst but it was enough to ignite a pinch of embarrassment as I looked away and focused on Dr. Malik again.

I decided to ignore Louis at all costs at the fear of staying in love with him. God knows that's the last thing I wanted to be.

Hopelessly in love.

Attached.

Caring.

Intimate.

I tapped away making note of the professors inferences and emphasis.

After the dismissal, everyone packed up their notebooks and rushed out the door. I was an intense note taker. I rated significance through different colors.

Anything mentioned more than once was highlighted in yellow.

Anything that spiked controversy was typed in red font.

Names of authors were bold faced.

Quotes were italicized.

Blue ink for main ideas and green for subjective bullet points.

I moused over each topic and with my final satisfying tweaks, I packed up and swung my bag over my shoulder.

I would have been happy with going back to my dorm.

I would have been happy with going straight to my next lecture hall.

I would have been happy with going downstairs and tripping and falling.

But nope the world doesn't believe in revolving around my happiness as it should.

So I found myself face to face or rather face to chin (as even though Louis wasn't the tallest guy in uni, I was still very much tinier than even the smallest) with my ex boyfriend.

"Can we talk?"

He looked down at his feet and lowered his eyes on mine his top teeth sinking slightly into the corner of his bottom lip.

I nodded.