If Only...

Chapter 17: Just Right

I watched his glossy chestnut eyes for the last time as his tired lids sealed off into his deep slumber.

"I love you Lennox," he cooed.

"I love you so much Marcus, but..."

And just like that, his body rose as if in an electric shock.

I gasped and his arms were already around me shoving me up and crushing into his body.

"What the fuck are you saying?"

I was so taken aback and trembling, I couldn't make out what I wanted to say. I could tell him that there was no way for me to adjust to his raging behavior. I could tell him that I saw the conniving smile on his face just as I left Louis and reached for him instead. I could tell him so much, but in this moment as his grip tightens like a serpent on prey, I couldn't say a single syllable.

"Finish the fucking sentence!" his voice cracked and tears spilled from his eyes.

His grip loosened as he cried into my bare shoulder.

"I need you," he begged, plopping his head back down on the pillow.

I blinked continuously in confusion. This was nothing I expected and I couldn't bare such changes.

He pulled me down to him so that we were nose to nose.

"You can make me better," he kissed the tip of my nose, "I know you can."

His breath on my skin sent shivers down my body in the most exhilarating of ways, but guilt was boiling inside of me.

"You don't want to make me better Lola?" he continued to press, "You want to leave me just like everybody else."

His eyes were chocolate brown with tones of amber in them that seemed to dance in the sunlight that spilled from his window sill. Little golden flecks danced around in them as his long, brown eyelashes framed his eyes giving them the perfect shape. They had a certain tinge of sadness in them that was apparent when he looked away, but they were beautiful nonetheless.

These eyes were loving and strong, the kind of eyes you'd see in an angel and I always found myself gazing at them for longer than I probably should have. They held warmth and knowledge in them, but secrets as well.

I wanted nothing more than to unlock these secrets and take away the sadness from those mesmerizing eyes...

My eyelids fluttered, lashes scraping against my skin as I tried to make sense of all of this and failed.

I was vulnerable from the inside out, so desperate to take away the sadness that made him so aggressive.

I cupped his face in my hands as he abandoned my side and hovered above me.

His fingers caressed my neck but his eyes were stubbornly fixed on me.

I couldn't escape the urge to make him feel better. The desire to give him whatever he wanted to take away any buried pains.

I was hypnotized and even as he tugged away my shorts and lifted my sweater over my head, I couldn't break the spell.

I didn't want to.

All I wanted was to make him better.

Even if it meant giving away my most treasured asset that no ones ever touched, I let him do as he pleased. Forever gazing into his luring eyes.

Just as he was gently sliding out of his boxers, it dawned upon me exactly what was happening.

What was going to happen.