If Only...

Chapter 6: The Difference

Our noses kissed as our lips separated and his dilated pupils were forever unblinking. He almost looked afraid to say anything so his parted lips didn't whisper a single word.

I was chewing the inside of my cheek reevaluating what the hell I just did and why the hell did I do it.

I was mad. And sad.

Two of the worst things a girl can be and should never be endured at the same time. It should be law.

His wide eyes never parted from me even as I stepped out of his embrace and sat back down on my bed fiddling with the loose threads of my sheet.

Marcus knelt in front me and drew a line with his thumb across my jaw and cheek then imitated the gesture with his lips.

He felt comforting.

His large hand intwined mine and he pressed his forehead against mine forcing me to look up at him.

His hershey hues faded to almond, a few loose strands of beachy blonde hair tickling his eyelashes.

His thin lips curled up in a smile.

His lips found my cheek and I could feel the batting of his lashes against my skin.

Like little butterflies crawling around my face.

I couldn't help but smile and wrap my arms around his neck as he stood with his knees on the carpet, still taller than my posture as I sit on the bed.

"Can you just stay here for a while?" I whispered as my chin rested on his shoulder.

My stomach twisted and turned and I wasn't sure if what I was feeling was affection for Marcus or guilt as if I were betraying Louis.

Marcus is good for you, Lennox.

"Of course," he instantly responded and I slid onto the floor beside him. he pulled his knees up as he sat and patted the spot in front of him.

His legs stretched out on either side of me as I curled mine up and clutched my knees leaning back into his strong chest.

His arms folded around me and we stood there.

No words.

Just the sound of our breaths wisping around the room and the feel of his chest rising and falling, his heart thumping against my back and I wondered if he could hear my heart too.

Can you tell when a heart is sad? happy? lonely?

Thump. Thump Thump. Thump.

I don't think you can.

My thumbs grinded into my nails and whirled around my folded hands.

******

When did I fall asleep? I blinked a few times to adjust to the darkening sky. I hadn't bothered to switch on the light earlier because it was particularly sunny.

I gently unwrapped Marcus's hold on me and turned to him.

He was asleep.

His eyelids shut and his lips unmoving.

He looked dead.

I thought it'd be cute to wake him up with a kiss because isn't that what cute couples do?

I pecked his lips and his eyelids shot open and calmed at the sight of me.

I smiled under his lips and I could feel him smile back.

Our noses brushed and I traced little circles on his right cheek with my index finger.

I loved it when he smiled. It was like the whole world sizzled away and Marcus brought you to a whole other universe he made just for you.

With all the good in Marcus, brought all the bad in Louis.

Every right thing pointed to this blonde haired hunk with raspberry cheeks.

Somehow we were facing each other, my legs stretched over his, our palms meeting in the middle and eyes completely fixated on the other.

I loved looking at him, the light of the moon making his pale skin glisten and his brown eyes shine.

"I am beeeeeeeeeat!" Drew yawned as she stumbled through the door and came to an abrupt stop almost tripping over the toe of Marcus's boot.

Her eyes widened, "Well I'll be darned. I can't say I never saw it coming. I was pretty much countin down the days until it did happen."

Marcus laughed and grabbed at me causing me to collapse on top of him. He showered me with tiny kisses all over my face and neck.

"I've been counting longer than you have, Drew," he said his eyes heating into mine. The look was so intense I had to look away.

"What'd I miss in sociology?" I blurted.

"This doc named Rubin identified bout 80 questions designed to assess the attitudes a person holds about others. The questions were sorted according to whether or not they reflected feelings of liking or loving. Then the guy goes out and tests 'em on all his students. The results allowed Rubin to identify 13 questions for 'liking' and 13 questions for 'loving' that were reliable measures. Something real weird like that. I grabbed you a copy of all the handouts," she grinned and laid them out on too of my pink binder.

"Where were you gone anyway?" she asked.

I looked down.

"You don't have to talk about it," Marcus cooed into my ear.

I nodded, "I'll you about it when I can Drewkins."

She nodded back at me, "Gotcha kiddo," She shot herself with more perfume and lifted the straps of her coach backpack onto her shoulders.

"You're leaving?"

Drew smirked, "I have to casually pass the music building and casually cross the hallway between songwriting and theory and casually bump into that European god of a boy," she said continuously with an added sigh of awe.

"Why can't you just talk to Harry!" I shouted mid laughter.

"It ain't that easy," she shrugged and shut the door with an added little wave before she disappeared.

Marcus was playing with the dark copper streaks hidden in my thick hair.

"What are we?" I mumbled to Marcus and he paused and held my chin with one of his hands.

"You're mine," his deep voice echoed into the empty voiceless air bringing goosebumps to my arms.

He played it off with a cheeky grin and kissed my lips softly, but the image of Marcus's eyes narrowing with his voice emanating through me, couldn't be ignored.

He poked my nose and got up to his feet.

"Where are you going?" I asked without thinking.

He sat on the bed and grabbed my hands lifting me up off the floor and pulling me onto his lap.

"I'm not going anywhere," the kisses started up again and with every sweet touch, it still didn't seem right.

Louis's kisses always felt right.