If Only...

Chapter 7: Missing Lou

I clutched the bottom of my laptop. The empty page taunting me. I was shifting tabs from my document to deaf culture and behavioral analysis.

Marcus's foot hung over my bed, his face buried into his economics book.

It's been two weeks.

I scrolled the mouse all over the screen hoping to conjure up some thoughts.

The sound of his book dropping startled me and I turned to find a goofy Marcus peering at me through the cracks of the pages that hit his face.

"Lets go out. I'm knackered from all this working," he sighed.

"It's only been half an hour. And I need to finish my essay," I replied with my eyes still glued onto the screen.

I always imagined dating Marcus would be heavenly. He was cheesy and cliche and absolutely adorable.

I was wrong.

He stood up and removed the laptop from my hands, "We're going out."

I hated when his voice did that. When he eyes washed out like gravy and his jaw clenched. His words darkened and he spoke to me like a child. A disobedient child at that because I always refused him.

"No we're not," I shouted back wishing my voice were as projected and intimidating as his, "You can. I'm certainly not."

His cheeks flushed and his fists were so tight against his sides I could have sworn he was going to hit me.

"Lola," he cooed as his nose tickled my cheek and he coated my face with butterfly kisses.

Lola was a family nickname that Marcus adored and my dads loved him and let him in on the secret. I liked this Marcus.

But this Marcus wasn't always here.

I didn't want to give in so I stood my ground demanding we stay for another half hour.

He stood above me as I sat cross legged on my bed. His expression was hardened.

I hooked my thumbs around the belt loops of his jean tugging him toward me. The creases in his forehead disappeared and with each kiss I planted on his neck, the more the Bad Marcus went away.

I couldn't even tell anymore whether the affection I gave Marcus was out of love or fear.

"Okay we're staying," he grinned as if it were his idea the entire time.

I ended up finishing one of my essays and with Marcus's promise of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, I was all aboard a study break.

I was closing all the windows on my screen when the reflection of my laptop displayed an upset Marcus.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"Why is he still your wallpaper?"

I turned back to my screen realizing I never changed the picture of Louis and I on Christmas break. It was last year.

I stayed looking at it for a while ignoring the fact that Marcus was already getting fussy.

This was at my aunt's house in Switzerland. For obvious reasons, Louis never wanted to go home on holiday and he was never asked to. He always came with us and with a ton of convincing my dads let Louis tag along on our getaway.

In the photo I was mid laughter, caught only just as I was beginning so it only looked as though I was smiling really widely at something to the photographers left. I was wearing a long sleeve pink dress that was second coated with lace material.

Around my neck was a silver "L" and studded earrings shined in my ears.

Gifts from Louis.

Louis wore a snug blue knit sweater. I remember the day I took him to H & M and insisted he get it. Around his wrist was a watch.

My gift to him.

You couldn't see it in the picture, but inscribed in the clock of his watch was the date: 10.31.09

Our anniversary.

"You'll change it later," his dark voice beckoned behind me dragging me away from my perfect memory. He climbed off the bed and held the door open waiting for me.

I slowly shut it off and joined him.

Our hands interlocked, his thumb swaying over mine ever so often.

Louis always rubbed over my knuckles when we held hands.

"Hey you said Ben & Jerry's," I pouted, pressing against him and resting my chin on his chest that I barely reached up to.

"But you like tea, don't you?"

For arguments sake, I nodded and we walked into the Starbucks at the corner of our campus walls.

Marcus was ordering our drinks while I slid into an empty spot next to the window.

I gasped.

Louis was walking arm in arm with a girl nearly his height. She had long dark hair that curled at the tips. Sunglasses hid her eyes and her white top flowed only barely exposing her tiny stomach. She was fit.

I looked away and began tearing up the napkin in front of me into tiny slabs of nothing.

The chime of bells that welcomed another customer went off and I could see Louis and his mate walk into the store.

Marcus was barely hurling our drinks when I grabbed his arm and insisted we leave.

He looked around confusingly until his eyes met with Louis's.

Louis looked down shyly as his crystal hues found my betrayed almond eyes. I couldn't even hold back the wet splotches that were coming into view.

Marcus had gone macho. He confidently draped his arm around me and kissed the corner of my forehead. A flicker of hurt passed through Louis as he grabbed the girls arm again and led them out the store.

Why is he so upset? He dumped me.

That's right Lennox. He dumped you. So enough of your pity party. You've got a fine boy right here next to you.

I looked up at Marcus and went on my tiptoes to lay a small kiss on his lips. He took it farther than I planned, deepening the lock of our intertwined mouths and passionately responding to my gesture.

I was still in a daze when I noticed Marcus still held a hard stare. I followed the direction of his eyes to see a very much hurt Louis blinking hysterically and smashing the door open to walk out.

"Marcus why'd you do that," I noticed my voice was cracking.

"You kissed me," he said with a shrug matter-of-factly.

I suppose that was true.

"Maybe I should go t-"

"You're not going anywhere Lennox. You're mine," he yanked me by my wrist jerking me back into his arms and causing my frappaccino to drop.