Deaf Wish

Chapter 31

In the end, we watched a comedy, but I have to say I couldn't really focus on the movie, too many thoughts were going through my mind. Like, why would he watch the movie muted? And why is he so damn close to me? Does his mother know about his sexuality? Is she okay with it? I hope she doesn't think I'm weird? Well, technically I am weird.

After we have finished the second movie, we still remained in our comfortable position, me using him as a human pillow, my head rested on his chest, his arms wrapped aroundme. Although I felt really embarrassed, I wanted to stay like this, no idea where that came from.

Since our talk this morning I'm even more confused. I know he said he'll wait, but what if I don't even feel the same towards him, I mean, it's not even clear if I'm gay or not. To be honest, I have no clue on how to figure that out and what would others think? My parents, Alex, Claire? Would they still like me? I'm actually scared to find out, scared to find the answers I used to wish for.

Nathan tabs my shoulder lightly, bringing me back to reality. I turn my attention towards him, earning a satisfied smile: "Are you hungry, Sky?" Come to think of it, I actually am and it has been few hours since we last ate breakfast. I nod, staring intensely at that one strand of hair that fell into Nathan's face, not quite daring to push it back. With a sly grin, he got up, leaving me human-pillow-less and made his way over to the kitchen.

I take my time before following, seeing him talk to his mother who just came down the stairs with a small bag in her hand. She smiles at me, her smile just as warm as his. That's probably where he got it from. "I never really got a chance to introduce myself, my name is Elizabeth, but please do call me Liza.", she reached out a hand toward me, taking in every one of my movements with her clear brown eyes, "And you must be Nathan's new boyfriend, I assume."

I blush at her assumption, trying to look over to her son for slight help. "No, mom. Sky isn't my boyfriend.", he was standing next to me, smiling slightly, but I already saw it. The hurt of saying these four words. He wants it to be different and I know it, but of course, he just plays over it with the same warm smile his mother was giving us. I bet she knows it as well.

"I'm Skylar, I live next doors. It's a pleasure to meet you.", I said politely, shaking her hand, before turning back to Nathan who wasn't smiling anymore. "Anyway, I'll be leaving you two alone now. The office calls. Love you.", she places a light kiss on his forehead and with a small wave in my direction she exits the house

"Sorry if that irritated you, but my mother-" "It's fine, now let's get us something to eat.", I laugh it of, it's not like I could do anything about it anyway. He gives me one last smile, before looking through the kitchen's storage shelves and cabins. "I don't think we have anything useful in here, at least in my eyes.", he gave up his search, turning back to me. "But we could order us some takeout. What do you say?"

I bet I could have cooked us something from whatever he had, but I didn't want to be rude, so I just agreed, nodding at his question. "So, what do you want to eat?", he reached inside his pocket pulling out his phone. "I don't really care, you can decide. I'll be upstairs real quick.", not even waiting for an answer I rush up to his room, searching for my phone in the pile of my clothes, unlocking it as soon as I had found it.

I had a few messages from my sister and of course from Claire, so I decided to read hers first.

Hey baby bro, jesus christ! I'm so hung over, I can't even believe it! Most parts of the party are a literal blur, but I do remember sending you home with that girlish boy, what's his face again? Just wanted to make sure he didn't actually kidnap you. Also, where are you right now?

I knew she had to much alcohol yesterday, she wasn't even able to stand let alone walk in a some what straight lane. But what should I tell her? That I slept at Nathan's and that I'm still there? And what about the kiss? Our talk? What should I tell her? My fear from before crept back inside me, pulling at my heart. I'm scared of her reaction. Not only her's.

Deciding that it's best to wait with my answer I check my sister's before heading back to Nathan who's head was rested on the kitchen counter, an empty expression clouding his eyes. As soon as he sees me, he lifts his head, his gaze looking behind me for a few moments before completely focusing on me.

We did change, not only the way we see each other, but also the way we think. Our minds are wrapped around the same thing. The same question. Although he might have already figured out his answer, unlike me.

We stare at each for a second, or even more, not quite sure what to say to one another and for the first time I understand him, without words. "So, I ordered through the menu of a Chinese restaurant, I hope that's okay.", he smiled, standing up from his seat. I nod, Chinese food sounds good to me.

The rest of the day went by unspectacular, we ate the tons of food, while having meaningless conversations about everything that came to our minds. And I even dare to say we forgot about our talk from this morning, we were just two guys talking, nothing more nothing less. At least that's how I saw it. It felt good to just fool around with him a little, even though we were just talking and after we ate I left. It wasn't that much of a goodbye, since we'll see each other at school tomorrow, but it kinda hurt. Well, hurt is the wrong word, but something was missing when he wasn't around me.

I never knew one can get so attached to someone he has only met a few days ago.