My heart is beating faster than before and my eyes start to water a little. Nathan leans back so I can see his worried face. "I'm so glad you snapped.", he smiles softly, revealing tiny wrinkles at the edges of his mouth. "Why is that?" Without answering my question, he reaches forward, touching my cheek gently. I don't push his hand away, instead I look deep into his eyes, captivated by the green fire in them. I'm not feeling any anxiety or doubt. I'm not scared of him.
His fingers lift my chin a little, sliding to the back of my head where he tugs at a strand of hair, as his face comes closer to mine. I close my eyes, waiting. His lips brush against mine with pure gentility considering their rather rough texture. I slowly move up to him, the pressure between us increasing before he finally closes the little bit of space and sealing our lips together. A warm and exciting sensation runs through my body, tingling at various spots, like the tips of my fingers at his soft cheek or my shins which are intertwined with both of his legs. It's like floating on a cloud of comfort as both of our lips move in unison, all on their own, his slightly cracked lips against mine, deepening the kiss a little while still keeping it soft, gentle and loving. Our bodies are scooted close together, both of us clinging to each other like we're afraid we'd fall apart if we don't, like something could tear us up and steal this beautiful moment from us. I can feel his heart beating against my own chest,fast but steady with an indescribable intensity. But so does mine, to a point where it's almost painful.
We part, slowly, looking at each other, still in the heat of the moment. Even though his face seems to be calm and collective, his eyes, on the contrary, are shining in overwhelming excitement. I start to feel a little dizzy, due to the alcohol and what has just happened, when suddenly my eyes widen and I just blankly stare at him. Wait! What DID just happen? I kissed him! I let him kiss me! Shocked, I lean away from him, almost falling of the bed as I rush out of the room, leaving a puzzled and confused Nathan behind.
I can't believe I did this! I kissed somebody and what's even worse it's a guy! You shouldn't just kiss random guys you barely know. My thoughts are clouded and occupied by him and this moment we just shared, it felt so special, I felt special, but now the reality just has to knock on my door, just when everything seemed so good, so right. I have to leave! I have to get out of here!
Trying to fight my way through the crowded hallway, I search for Claire, she must be here somewhere. She is the only one I need! As I enter the living room, I stop in my movement, staring at the blonde girl dancing in the middle of the crowd. She's laughing, hugging Dillon tightly before kissing him. Claire looks so happy, so... free.
That's right! I wanted to be more independent so she can have more time to herself, after all, she is probably happy to be away from me for at least a little while. I just want to escape all of this!
Wobbling through the house towards the exit, tears start to stream down my face and even my heart starts to hurt. My chest squeezes down on itself, making it harder to breathe. Everything that is happening right now is just way too much for me to take, not only do I hate changes but also stress and this is major stress! I mean, how am I going to fix it? I'm scared of what might happen after all of this.
The sun has already set as I hurry down the street, leaving the party, leaving Nathan and Claire and all the other people behind me. My mind was running wild, the thoughts hitting me so fast I can't even keep up with my own brain,resulting in a throbbing headache as I sit down on the warm, hard sidewalk, the light of the street lights brightening the area around me.
Nathan. Why did we do this? Why did you do this? We're not gay! I mean... I'm not... is he? Everything! Everything is getting too much and I don't want this, all the confusion, I want answers! I wish I'd know them! But where do I find them? Does Claire have them, does Nathan? Or do I?
My watch vibrates, but I hesitate for a moment. It's obvious who this is and it's obvious why he wrote me, but still... I read it. I read it out of curiosity, out of hope for the answers I'm wishing to find.
Sky! I'm so sorry I kissed you! I know I shouldn't have done that, but I got carried away! I'll leave you alone if that's what you want, just... tell me where you are! I'm so worried, please don't do anything reckless...
More tears stream down my face,dripping on the hard ground. I don't want him to be sorry and I sure as hell don't want him to regret it. It's no this fault, after all,I kissed him back, so he's not the one to blame. Suddenly, a shadow shields the street light above me, as somebody kneels down in front of me. I look up, meeting with a pair of greenish, brown eyes and a worried smile. A girl with gray lilac hair rubbed my shoulder gently,her eyebrows furred.
"Hey, are you okay? You're Skylar, right?", she talks noticeably slow, just like that teacher at school. "I'm fine.", I manage to choke out, looking at her with a plain expression. Her skin is smooth and flawless, big eyes and silky hair. To be honest, she looks like a doll.
"You don't look fine to me!Can I do something for you?", she runs a hand through her hair,grinning at me in a sympathetic way. "What's your name?", I ask,a little stunned by her kindness. "Mika, I'm the brother of one of your classmates." My eyes widen in shock. "Brother?!", I could have sworn he was a girl.
"Oh yeah, I get that a lot. Many mistake me for a girl.", she... I mean, he scratches the back of his neck, still grinning at me. "Do you want me to drive you home, or something?", Mika points towards the parking cars in front of Dillon's house.
I don't need his help! I guess,nobody can actually help me, not even Claire! But maybe... maybe if It all to Nathan... we could figure things out. "Thank you, but I have to get back. See you around!", with that, I get up from my uncomfortable sitting spot and walk back to the house, leaving him standing there.
The music must have been turned up, because now, I could feel the heavy bass squeezing my chest in rhythmic motions. I ignore the hoard of people, I even ignore Claire(Well she didn't actually see me) as I start to search for Nathan. I really need to talk things out with him. It didn't take me long though, he is sitting on the cold, white kitchen tiles, a red cup placed on his lap and two bottles of vodka and Jack next to him. His eyes are empty, foggy from all the alcohol as he stares into nothing.
Taking one of the clean red containers, I drop down next to him, holding it towards him without saying anything. He fills it with the clear vodka, placing it back on the floor. We sit there in silence, getting more and more drunk, but to be honest, I don't know what to say. Apologize? Small talk?Taking another sip, I empty my cup once again, slamming it down next me, before turning towards him.
"Don't apologize!", slurring my words, "I don't want you to regret it!" He smiles, showing his white teeth as he pulls me into a tight hug and buries his face into the crook of my neck. My heart picks up it's pace but I don't feel uncomfortable, instead I pull him closer to me, clinging onto his neck. I ignore the heavy dizziness as we part, trying to simply focus on him, as we look at each other with idiotic grins on our faces. Oh alcohol you drive me crazy with your ways of handling things for me!
"So, do you want to dance?" I stare at him for a second, before slowly nodding, not sure if that's such a good idea. He must have noticed my uncertainty, because soon after, his fingers intertwine with mine and he pulls me towards the living room. I stare down at the connection between him and me,feeling his warm, soft skin against mine.
YOU ARE READING
Deaf Wish
Romance"I don't care how many times I have to tell you that you are more than enough, that you deserve someone to make you happy and to love you and that I'm so grateful that I'm the one. Or at least I hope I am. But you need to stop thinking the way you d...
