Lost in Love (Formerly known as We Can't)

The darkness

    I immediately ran out of the hall, hoping no one caught up with me. Where could I go? I couldn't go home, like Poe's house. I couldn't go to my real home, with Dad. Jakku, my first home. They place were I could go to find myself. I had plans to come back, but I knew a small break was all I needed.
I arrived on the all too familiar desert planet. I pulled the pin, with was holding my hair together out. I walked over to the empirical walker, which I spent many long, hot days and cold nights in. I sulked down against the wall I had put a mark on for every day. I never went back and counted. Nobody had that much time. I felt anger and hatred towards myself. Anger and hatred, two things I never used and had been taught to fight against. To fear. Only if been taught not to fear too. This Jedi thing is a mess. "Use the anger," a voice said, "use the hatred.
I was angered at myself for letting me screw up that bad. Poe, it's really not that hard to say. Why did I mess up. And what did this mean? I hated myself for this. I scanned the walker, looking for my blade. I cut all the way up my arm, before falling asleep. It was like old times again.
     For a spilt second I forgot everything from last night. After seeing the scars on my arm, it came back. This time, Poe wasn't here to save me. Nobody was. I looked up at the sun rise, hoping it would help my anger fade. Nothing was working. I always knew I was prone to the dark side. I mean I didn't exactly have a stable family throughout my childhood, and spent much of that time fearing they would never come back, but hating them for leaving me in the first place. I had just learned how to control that,  be perfect. Being back here, everything I'd been taught to control was meaningless. I was done with it. Everything. I was no longer good little perfect Jedi Rey. I was Dyo Ren and I was going to kill every remaining Jedi unless they agree to join me. "Control your anger," I heard my dads voice say, I however rejected the toxic reminder he was giving me. The darkness was what I needed to succeed, and be fine again. I was shutting everyone who brought me a connection to the light out.
    I felt my new masters ship arrive on Jakku to pick me up. Take me to the second StarKiller Base, and start my training to defeat the Jedi. "Don't do it," I heard my dad repeat over and over again in my head. For some reason I couldn't block it out. I followed Snoke onto the ship, and said goodbye to everything I once knew. Snoke tied my hands together using cuffs as a way to keep me from escaping. Once we were boarded, snoke asked me some questions before using the force.
      "Look in the mirror," he said. I turned around to see my hazel eyes turned yellow and red. My once brown hair was now an ombré from platinum blonde to black. The light saber I now held, was double bladed, similar to the staff I once had, both blades were red.
     I awoke in a pile of sweat, breathing heavily. I tried to sit up, however fear pulled me back down. I looked out and noticed it was still dark, the sun was not even peaking out. Not thinking about it, I sat up, grabbed a few things I'd left behind, knowing the sooner I got away from here, the better. I decided going back to Coresant was the easiest solution, as last time I ran away from my problems that didn't turn out well. I mean it wasn't the worst thing I'd experience. I loved Keira, but sometimes I wonder if my life would be better without her.
      I bit my lip, as I landed back home. I walked to dads apartment, knocking on the door.
    "Welcome back," he said, wrapping me in a tight hug.
   "I had a nightmare, again," I whispered, hoping he would hear enough to understand, or not at all. Dad lead me ovet to the sofa.
    "I know; what was it about?" He asked carefully. I explained the dream in detail, dad nodding occasionally. After I finished, he pulled me up from the coach. "There's someone you need to talk to," he said giving a smile. Who, I didn't know.