melancholia ✔︎

anger

I woke up sweating after a tumorous night of nightmares and a jagged sleep routine. As usual.

I barely slept and when I did, I had constant nightmares. They were non-stop and always too realistic for my liking.

But sometimes, as always, I'm not sure the difference from being awake and being asleep.

They both seem just as bad.

A new number rings my phone, and I pick it up. While I do, a bright reminder in blue pops up.

Cassie's birthday tomorrow.

I had forgotten. Cassie used to be one of my closest friends back in primary school, early middle school. I'll probably be trying to sleep tomorrow instead, and it's not like I really cared about anything anymore anyways.

I wonder if we're still even considered 'friends.' If she even wonders what happened to me, why I never really turn up to school.

Or even if she still cares.

She'll be turning seventeen. I'm only still sixteen.

Why was it only less than five years ago we were still best friends?

"Hello?

"Look, I'm sorry-" I cut him off.

Of course he would try to call using his mobile phone. I should have known. I should have known. But stupid me, didn't.

"No, I understand you don't understand. And I don't want to waste your or my precious time."

"Amy... Please...."

"You don't know," I say accusingly. "You don't know what I've been through, how much I hate myself, the things I do to myself when I'm alone, how much I just want to give up, how much every second living in this pain is killing me and how much I cry. You don't know me at all."

"I'm sorry, Amy... I didn't mean that. Can you just understand... Can you listen..."

"Goodbye Kyle. I'm sick and tired of all this crap. Sick and tired of freaking everything."

I'm still angry.

Angry at him. Angry at everything.

"Wait, Amy!"

"No. I'm not going to wait. I'm never going to. Just give me another reason to kill myself. Right now, you've just given me reason #314 by the way, if you even care."

I hang up, slamming it down on the receiver.

My body frame slumps down the wall, and I fall a crumbling mess, a ruin of once a perfect girl.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

AND. THEY FIGHT. By the way, this chapter may be triggering. The whole book may be triggering. So..... Anyways, love you my readers, vote, comment and share!

xxx dreamer