Searching For Nothing

Chapter 8

Zayn's POV

I can't stop, for the past month I have been severely throwing up and barely eating, I only eat around my dad and uncles and almost always throw it up. But there are also a lot of times when no one is around, Uncle Liam got a new girlfriend name Alexis, Uncle Niall has been visiting family in Ireland, and Uncle Louis and Dad are always going out places or always in their bedrooms. I only really see them at meals and most of the time they're glued to their phones so no one notices if I decide not to eat. When I look in the mirror all I see is skin in bones, but I know that if I start eating again, I will get bigger, and I can't let that happen. So I often wear many layers and no one knows the difference.

There is also something inside of me that wishes my dad or uncles would notice what's going on, something inside me wants to be able to stop throwing up and to stop thinking this way but I can't do it myself. I just need help, but I could never bring that up to my uncles or dads, they have lives to live, lives that they had before I was in the picture.

I walked to the living room where dad was sitting so I took a seat next him.

"Hey daddy."

"Um, hey Zee."

"Are you and Uncle Lou going shopping again today? Because I need some more shampoo, mines all gone."

"Zayn there is a grocery store right down the street."

"Oh sorry, I just thought that you were going to be going out anyway-"

"I have things to do that are more important than picking up your shampoo, Zayn!"

"O-ok I can pick it up, I just need some money to get it."

"Oh so now you need money? Is that all I am to you? An unlimited supply of money?"

Dad was starting to get really angry, he had never been like that to me and I was really scared. His face was bright red, his eyebrows knotted together, and his eyes looked like they turned black.

"N-no, never mind, I can just borrow some from uncle Louis or Uncle Niall or Uncle Liam."

"So you want to inconvenience your Uncles now too? Don't they do enough for you?"

"I-I will just use a bar of soap," I said before running upstairs to my room tears spilling from eyes.

I reached the top of the stairs and bumped into someone and looked up to see Uncle Liam who crouched down and was looking at me in concern.

"Zayn what's wrong? What's going on?"

"He's scaring me Uncle Liam," I said as I put my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me.

"Who?"

"Daddy, he started yelling and his face got all red and his eyes they looked black, and I just told him I needed shampoo."

"It's okay Zee, I will calm him down and you can go take a nap in your room to calm down okay?"

I nodded and he gave me one more hug before sending me off to my room and going downstairs, I climbed into my bed and sobbed for a half hour before I finally fell asleep.

I woke up two hours later to a hand shaking my shoulder and the sound of dinner being made, I looked up and Uncle Niall was there.

"Uncle Ni! You're back!"

"Yea I'm back! And just in time for dinner too! So let's go I'm starving!"

I smiled and took his hand as we walked downstairs and I took a seat as far away from Dad as possible who didn't even notice me. Dinner was quiet, Uncle Louis, Uncle Liam, and Dad were all on their phones, Uncle Niall was eating, and I was pushing food around on my plate with a fork.