Abused//L.H. COMPLETE

Ch 40

Here goes... Hope u enjoy this chap <3

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I've made my decision, but now what do I do with this information? 

I get up from my bed and leave my room in search of Meghan, I find her in the kitchen and I approach her. Ugh why does this seem so much harder than it used to be? Did Meghan and I drift apart a little bit? 

"Megan," I say scared of her reaction to what I'm about to say. 

"Yeah?"

"Can I talk to you? In private?"

"Of course." She says. I'm terrified of what she'll think of me. I walk her to my room and lock the door to insure that no one will come in or hear the conversation. "What is it?" She asks almost worried.

"Well you know about how we are allowed to go on tour?" I ask knowing that of course she knows. 

"Well duh" She says making me feel dumb. 

"Well," I say hesitant. "I'm not quite sure if I want to go." I scared that she'll hate me and think I'm crazy. 

"Yeah, same."

"What?" I ask. I totally expected a different answer. 

"I don't really want to go either." she says. "I mean I'll miss Ashton don't get me wrong but something doesn't feel right about going." 

"I know." I say. "And I don't have any money and I've grown up paying for everything, so its weird for people to buy things for me and I hate it." I say upfront. "And I want to work to get money and know what working feels like." I say. I've never had a real job, I always used to babysit and mow for people but I've never had a real job before. 

"I know exactly how you feel, we should tell the boys together." Meghan says. Her agreeing with me honestly makes me feel so much better about not wanting to go.  

"Yeah." I say "Maybe later tonight?" I ask. 

"Yeah, my God I'm beyond happy that you feel the same way that I do." Meghan says. 

"Same, I was so scared you'd hate me for feeling this way." I say.

"I'd never hate you. If anything it will be good for the guys to be gone and for us to have alone time without the boys because even thought we aren't ever apart it just feels like I haven't hung out with you in forever." she says. 

"Agreed." I say. "I love you megs" I say leaning in to hug her.

"I love you too Mandy." She says hugging me. We both get up to leave the room, "We're telling them tonight right?" Meghan asked before opening the door. 

"Yeah." I say, I mean that's the best time I can think of and sooner is better.  Meghan opens the door and Calum stands there with a sad expression on his face, I look over at Meghan and she looks more terrified than I am.

"Y--y-you're not coming with us?" Calum says with his lip quivering. 

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Meghan and I sit down outside where Calum has gone to hide from us all. He didn't end up crying and I can't tell if that's a good or a bad thing.

"Cal," Meghan says. "Its just not the best time for Amanda and I to be leaving right now."

My God she sounds so professional and adultish. Like wtf how? 

"Yeah I need some money and I can't stand constantly having to rely on someone else. Honestly I need to learn to be independent before I can be dependent on anyone else, and I'm not independent yet." I blurt out. "Just please try to understand." 

"I'm trying  to, but Luke is really excited and happy about you going and you're just going to ruin that, and take away his happiness"

"Wow k." I say now pissed off. 

"Calum don't be like that towards her." Meghan stands up for me. "The boys were perfectly fine without us, I'm sure it won't be too big of a deal for them to hear." Meghan says.

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I walk into my room and check the time. Calum and Michael were setting up to sleep on the couch and floor, Meghan and Ashton were getting ready for bed and Luke was giving Addie a bath. That's another thing what would we do with Addie. My palms are sweaty and I'm nervous, I've never been so nervous before. What if Luke hates me after I tell him? I can't stand when people are mad at me.

Luke walks in with Addie, he looks so cute holding her, I love them both. 

"Aw, is my baby clean?" I ask Addie walking over to her and kissing her head, as I do I get a whiff of wet dog.  I feel guilty acting as if I have nothing to hide but I need to stay calm and quiet until I have him in a good enough spot to tell him. I start to stress,my body is sweating and I'm panicking. 

"Yes shes very clean and very happy." Luke says. What would we do with Addie? Get her a dog sitter? I can't do that I don't have the heart, who does that anyway? Who leaves their dog for like six months to travel the world with their boyfriend. Okay people have probably done that, but I'm definitely not one of those people. 

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voila!!!!

au revoir amis <3 

S/O to people to take French or are French speakers ily

TTYL BABES~RANA