Finding The Other Half

Chapter - 12: Broken Trust and Unanswered Calls

Zayna's P.O.V.:

I can't believe I trusted him, again. After all those times he hurt me and cheated on me. How could I do that to myself?
He promised me he won't go back to her, yet he did. Why would he do that when I am his other half?

Maybe because I am not enough. I was never enough. It's not like I can a bright future either. I almost failed my previous term. I scored really bad in my tests. If I keep going this way, I have no future. I mean which college would take a failure like me? I am nothing but a burden to my parents. I don't deserve the stuff they do for me. Fuck, I'm getting stupid. I need to talk to someone. I don't think I should call Jade. I mean it's her birthday, I can't spoil it for my selfish needs. But I can't take it any longer. I really should call her up.
I find my phone lying on the floor where I had thrown it out of frustration. I search for her contact and tap call. Her contact picture is a weird pic of her which she snapchatted me. She is doing that tongue out eyes crossed thing. Damn, I need my best friend. I look at wall clock in my room. It is 2 am. She's usually up till 3 am, but I doubt whether would be awake right now. I mean obviously she would be tired af after that Ball.

I called her up six times but she didn't pick her phone. Probably she's sleeping. But I don't trust anyone else enough to call them up right now. It was always Jadis whom I called up in this situations and vice versa. I remember that time when she had called me up after a real sad break up when her boyfriend literally told her that he likes someone else and Jade was just a backup plan. I just wanted to punch out his teeth but I didn't, for Jade's sake. Now that I need her, she is not picking up her phone. Maybe I'm just being selfish by waking he up at this time. I am nothing but a selfish person who doesn't deserve to live. I can do nothing right, literally nothing.

I can't take this anymore. My sister keeps some blades in her cupboard for shaving her legs. I can use them and end this heart wrenching pain and do something right. I mean physically speaking, how painful could it be?

~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note:

Honestly speaking, I cannot describe why anyone would suicide for someone.
While typing this, I realised that Zayna's problems had a solution, but did not know where to look for them.
She needed to have faith in herself, which she absolutely didn't.
She did not want anyone to say that she is enough and shit like that, she just wanted to stop the pain.
But that's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt. [TFIOS reference intended]
All you can do about it is bear it and/or find a solution to stop it but suicide is not a solution. It just passes on the pain to others around you and the pain which is passed on is to a greater number of people.
A suicide affects the victim's family, friends and sometimes even the people they thought they didn't know.

So please, if you are suicidal or depressed or need anyone to talk to, I am always here.

Love,
Smriti<3