Full Circle

Chapter 3

Gabby spent a quiet New Year with her family and Clint. No parties or celebrations. Just a solemn acknowledgment that a new year had begun. This one without Austin. Gabby found herself perpetually exhausted no matter how much sleep she tried to get. Her appetite was still missing and she had definitely lost some weight. Everyone just chalked it up to grief.

Gabby decided to head back to her home on New Year's Day, taking her mother's advice to get it over with. Clint rode with her, allowing her silence to sort through her thoughts on the way there. Austin's things had been neatly packed in the Jeep, ready to go the day he died. Gabby left them there when they pulled into her driveway. She merely slid from the vehicle and grabbed her own bag.

"You okay?" Clint asked, walking her to the front door.

"I don't know. Guess we'll find out." she answered, unlocking the door.

The living room smelled of pine from the tree. Out of habit Gabby walked over and plugged in the lights. She slowly looked around the room, its decor reminding her of Austin. They had decorated it all together, picking out everything from the paint to the furniture. There wasn't a place in the house that didn't have him in it. His sneakers sat lazily by the couch, waiting for him to put them on or put them away; a few of his magazines were stacked on the coffee table. And there, above the fireplace, hung the picture of them on their wedding day.

Gabby's breath came in quick gasps as that all too familiar pain hit her. "Is this pain ever going to go away!" she cried.

Clint crossed the room to her, reaching for her hands. "It's okay Gabby."

"No! No it's not!" She wiped furiously at the tears pooling in her eyes. "I'm sick of crying, sick of being so exhausted and empty, sick of feeling like I have a ton of bricks strapped to me. I'm sick of hurting!"

Clint stepped back a little, unprepared for the sudden burst of emotion. It was the first real display of emotion, other than shock and grief, she'd shown since Austin's death.

"Everywhere I turn there's something reminding me of how loving and giving and wonderful Austin was. And then, like a slap in the face, it reminds me that he's gone. Forever."

Then, just as quickly as it came, the anger was gone. She sank onto the couch and gave into the tears. Clint felt helpless, standing there watching her grieve and loving her so much. His own tears fell and he sent a prayer toward heaven. Why God? Sometimes he had wished that Gabby hadn't fallen in love with Austin, but he had been wonderful to her. Why had God chosen to take him away and cause her so much pain?

He fell to his knees in front of her, whispering, "What can I do Gabby?"

"Just hold me please." she choked out, falling easily into his arms.

She sat and cried while Clint held her, his own tears falling. He had always wished for the chance to have her back again, but not like this. Not at such a cost, not with so much pain.

Eventually she headed upstairs to lay down. Clint took the time to fall to his knees again and do some serious praying.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Hey Clint, what are you doing?" Gabby called quietly, standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

Clint looked up from the bubbling pot of macaroni he was stirring. "Hey sweetheart, you're awake. I was just cooking some dinner. Hungry?"

Gabby sighed. "Not really, but I guess I should try to eat something."

Clint grinned. "I've got mad skills with Kraft Cheese and Macaroni." he teased.