No Fear Shakespeare-Merchant Of Venice

Act 2-Scene 2

LAUNCELOT enters alone.

LAUNCELOT

I'm sure I'll feel guilty if I run away from this Jew, my master. The devil's on my shoulder, tempting me. He's saying, "Gobbo," "Launcelot Gobbo," "Good Launcelot," or "Good Gobbo," or "Good Launcelot Gobbo"-"use your legs and run away."

But my conscience says, "No, Launcelot, calm down, don't run away."
The devil's urging me to leave. "Go away!" he says. "Run away! Be tough," says the devil, "and run!"

But then my conscience, hanging around my heart, says very wisely to me, "My good friend Launcelot, you're a good boy, the son of an honest man," really, that should be the son of an honest woman, since my father cheated on my mother. Anyway, my conscience says, "Stay put." "

Go," the devil says. "Don't go," says my conscience. "Conscience," I say, "you give good advice." "Devil," I say, "you give good advice."

If I listened to my conscience, I'd stay with the Jew my master, who's a devil. But if I ran away from the Jew, I'd be following the advice of the devil, who's the very devil himself. Certainly the Jew is the devil incarnate, and my conscience is giving me a hard time by telling me to stay with the Jew. The devil's advice is nicer. I'll run, devil. Tell me to run, and I'll run.

GOBBO enters with a basket.

GOBBO

Excuse me, young man, how do I get to the Jew's residence?

LAUNCELOT

(to himself) Good heavens, it's my father. He doesn't recognize me because he's half-blind-or more than half-blind, somewhere between half-blind and totally blind. I'll play a little game with him.

GOBBO
Young man, excuse me, how do I get to the Jew's?

LAUNCELOT

Turn right at the next turn, but at the following turn, turn left. Oh, and then at the very next turn, don't turn left or right, but turn down and around to the Jew's house.

GOBBO

Good heavens, those are difficult directions. Can you tell me if a man named Launcelot, who lives with him, is still there?

LAUNCELOT

Are you talking about young Master Launcelot? (speaking so no one else can hear) Watch out, I'm going to pull a good prank here.-Is that who you're talking about?

GOBBO

He's not a "master," sir, he's just a poor man's son. His father, if I do say so myself, is an honest but very poor man, and, thank God, likely to live a long time.

LAUNCELOT

Well, his father can be whatever he wants to be. We're talking about young Master Launcelot.

GOBBO

Please don't call him that, sir. He's just Launcelot.

LAUNCELOT

But excuse me, ergo, old man, ergo, I'm asking you if you're talking about young Master Launcelot.

GOBBO

Yes, I'm talking about Launcelot, sir.

LAUNCELOT

Ergo, Master Launcelot. But please don't talk about Master Launcelot, old man. The young gentleman, submitting to the fates, the three sisters who control destiny, and other branches of learning like that, is deceased. Or, to put it in plain language, he's gone to heaven.