The Summer I Spent With You {L.H} ~ Book 2

Chapter Fifteen

"Who the fuck does he think he is? Who the fuck gave him the right to judge and verbally abuse me like that?" Luke slammed his hand angrily off the steering wheel and threw himself back so that the seat bounced. "What the fuck even was that?"

Running a hand through his hair in frustration, he clenched his jaw and looked at me. We were still sitting in the car park and Luke was getting more and more agitated by the second; understandably. If he didn't yell, he would cry.

"Luke, I'm so sorry. I didn't expect that to happen. I don't know what the fuck just happened?" I was trying to comprehend what had just unraveled in my brain but I couldn't. How could my joyful, hard-working, good-natured father produce such appalling behavior. The look on his face as he said it was like nothing I had ever seen before. Growing up, we were such a tight knit family who always had each others back and it made me sick to see how everything was changing. 

"I'm not toxic? I love you. I know I've made mistakes but I love you, I want to be with you. I'm not toxic, am I?" Luke's voice cracked as he said this and small tears where quickly brushed away. The overwhelming feeling of guilt consumed me as I watched him break down and second guess the breathtaking person he had become. In a moment of madness, my sudden love for him came rushing forward and I burst into tears. 

"Sorry." I sniffed and wiped my face on my forearm. "I never wanted any of this to happen. You're not toxic Luke. You're the breath of fresh air as you step from a sweltering room, or the first kiss of sun after lying in the shade. There's nothing toxic about you."

He looked up at me from the side, sandy hair flopping over his forehead like a mop and eyes bluer than the cleanest of oceans. Gulping, I could see Luke's brain ticking; usually I could tell what he was thinking, but right now everything was hidden behind a wall built of hurt and acrimony. 

"Mila, what if I am toxic? Maybe your dad is right? Maybe it is me that's changing you. Before this happened, you where focused, you were good; you didn't drink, you didn't smoke stupid shit, you didn't swear or stay out late. And you didn't talk back, didn't have an attitude and certainly would never have went for a guy like me. I battered and bruised you until you where no longer the person you thought you were."

"Or maybe, you brought out the real me. Before us, before any of it. I was quiet, I worked hard and kept my head down which isn't a bad thing, but I kept my head so far down it stopped me from seeing the view. That night we got high in that random dude's backyard and then walked home together, the only thing guiding us being the light of the moon; I felt more free than I had ever felt in my life. I felt like I wasn't just existing but I was actually living. You held my hand and I wanted to hold it forever; then you kissed me like you meant it and I had never tasted anything sweeter. I live life for those moments now; the breakthrough moment with a client, or the laughter of a friend as we sing them Happy Birthday; all the real moments in life. That was all because of you Luke."

Luke was almost at a loss for words for a moment. 

"I don't know if I am good for you though Mila? I made you hate the family you once loved spending every moment of the day with, I've completely changed you."

"Luke please-" My throat was scratchy and my heart began to feel heavy.

"Mila, baby- maybe its for the best." He looked down at his lap and fiddled with his fingers. 

"Luke please?" I sobbed. "Please don't do this to me, you're breaking my heart."

"Now you'll know how I felt." He whispered, still not looking at me although I could still hear everything he felt in his voice. 

"Look at me." I said to him. He never even flinched. "Look at me, you coward!" I shouted as hot tears burned my cheeks and stung my eyes. 

"Baby please-" He looked up finally and reached out his hand to touch me. 

"Get the fuck off me!" I flinched and moved backwards so quickly in my seat so that I ended up hitting my head off the car window. "Don't baby me."

"I can't- I won't destroy you." Luke whimpered, his head hanging low. 

"But I love you. You love me. You're not destroying me, you're helping to create me. Please don't do this, you know it's not what either of us want. Don't let the idiotic thoughts of others cloud your judgement." 

"I just want you to be happy." Luke's whole body deflated and he held his head in his hands. "That's all I want."

"And I can be. With you." 

"I don't want to be the one to bring you down."

"How many times do I have to say it? If I scream it from the rooftops, will you finally hear it? I love you, and there's nothing toxic about you." I stated. Luke sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes. No doubt my 'waterproof' mascara was smudged up and down my face; that's what you get for buying cheap shit. There was a deafening silence as we both suddenly drew to a halt in the conversation and the air between us filled with thousands of emotions I could never explain. The sound of our breathing grew into sync as we both looked at each other. 

Suddenly, Luke reached forward and latched his hand onto the back of my neck before pulling my face closer to his. He leaned his forehead against mine and all the friction fell away until it felt like everything around me was a blur and he was the focus of my lens. He swallowed loudly as he attempted to stop crying and drew a pattern on the back on my neck with his index finger as I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of the oxygen travelling through his body. His lips where cold as they gently, briefly touched mine and then pulled away again. 

"Let's get away from here." He said, or rather, he whispered.

"We can go back to my place." 

"No, not just out this parking lot. Far away, where it's just the two of us and no one else can find us."

"Where is this place?" I asked curiously and all he done was smile.