Tiva Short Stories

Sick with love

I remember it like it it was yesterday. It has only been a  little over a month.  It had rained that night. The tarmac smelled of wet concrete, and in the evening, the Israeli heat had dulled, the storm leaving just enough wind to blame tears on it. 

I wanted him to go. At least I thought I did. But, before he did, I wanted to tell him that I loved him. I couldn't say just three words, "I love you." I was so nervous. 

"Tony," I said, He turned to me immediately, hoping i had changed my mind and had decided to go with him. 

"You are so...."I began, 

 "Handsome?" Funny? What?" He guessed. Even in the greatest moments of sorrow and pain, he was always a jokester. 

"Loved" I finally said, gazing into his loving brown eyes.

He did not respond. I worried for a moment that despite his countless sacrifices for me, and the events that had occurred in the night before, he did not return my love, but then he kissed me. He ran his hands through my hair, his touch warm and his breath minty. I wanted to ask him to stay, "Why didn't I?" I said aloud in my empty house.

'This is not easy" I said, as I watched him disappear into the back abyss of the night. 

"Hardest 180 of my life" He replied, always wanting to have the last word. 

"Hardest 180 of my life""Hardest 180 of my life" "Hardest 180 of my life" 

I repeat it again and again as I pace the floor of my empty house.  I feel sick with loss, like I have every day for the last week, almost equivalent to the stomach flu I got last summer. Just when I thought that I had got over the sadness and depression of tony's goodbye , I woke up one morning thinking of Tony and was overcome with the same nausea that I had felt when I had sobbed for hours over him, disgusted that I forced him to go.  It seems that his loss had only come back stronger from its momentary disappearance, most days I felt too sick to leave my bed, others I was too exhausted, not that I could sleep anyway. I think that being cramped up all day had made me moody, I find myself switching between devastation and frustration regularly.  I have nothing to do now that I am no longer a field agent. I have no friends outside of Mossad in Israel, I am truly alone. 

I feel the heat of my stomach acid crawl up my throat and in defeat , I crawl back into my bed. I flip on the tv, a cooking show is on. 

"I've got  to get this meat on the grill now or it will never cook in time," The TV blares. They were competing to make the best steak, Tony loves steak, I love Tony. Just thinking about Tony , and that I may never see him again made me feel so nauseous I dry heaved over the side of my bed. I flipped the channel,

"Do you feel like you can't get up in the morning?" a calm TV ad asks. It catches my attention. 

"Are you too tired to do the things you want to?"

"Do you have problems sleeping?" 

"Do you no longer find joy in things you once loved?"

"Do you have persistent digestive problems?" 

"If so, you may be depressed, talk to your doctor about Zoloft, the symptom free..."

"I'm depressed, that's it! " I thought to myself. It all made sense. The next day, I went to my doctors. It was the first time I had left my house beyond getting groceries since Tony's disappearance . A much too cheery woman greeted me, "Hello, Ms. David, I'm Dr.Wilson,what brings you in today?"

"I am here to see if I am a candidate for Zoloft" I said, head facing the ground in embarrassment. 

"Mm Hmm" She nodded, "What made you think that you are depressed?"

"I've been exhausted recently for no reason but  I can't sleep, I have no motivation to do things, and I feel sick all the time" I explained.

"Sounds like depression to me" Dr. Wilson said, "let me ask you a few questions to see if you are a candidate"

"Do you take any medications"

"No" I replied.

"Any history of heart disease in your family?" 

"Only heart break" I chuckled sadistically 

'I'm sorry what?" Dr Wilson said in confusion,

"No" I repeated.

"Have you ever been to Africa?"

"I spent a short amount of time in Somalia" I shuddered as I explained.

"What a dangerous place," Dr. Wilson blindly said, "Can you believe the horrible things they do to people over there?"

"No" I said, tears flooding my eyes.

"Moving on, sorry , but I have to ask, are you sexually active?" 

"Not currently" I replied.

"How recently did you..." Dr. Wilson trailed off.

"I think 6 weeks ago". I smiled for a moment at the thought of Tony's grand farewell.

"And could you be pregnant?" She asked.

"No way" I answered, what a disaster that would be.

"When was your last cycle?"

"About 4 weeks ago, a week after I , well ya know, so there's no way I can be pregnant"

"Is the second week of the month usual for your cycle?"

"No, but I was under a lot of stress at the time?" I replied embarrassed

"What stressors could a pretty girl like you have?" Dr. Wilson chuckled.

"My father died, it was the anniversary of my mother's and sister's deaths, and I was on the run from a group of people trying to kill me" I snapped, "Would that be enough to off set one's internal chemistry?" 

"Umm yes... " Dr. Wilson mumbled, then cheerfully said, a"I'm going to have to take a urine sample to see if your chemical imbalance is consistent with the patients with whom Zoloft worked well" . Ut was obvious that she was anxious to leave this conversation. 

I peed in the stupid cup, noticing that in my time holed up in my home, I had gotten slightly fatter. A few minutes later, Dr. Happy Peppy came into my room.

"Ms. David, I'm sorry but you are not a candidate for Zoloft"

"What why?" I stuttered, all feelings of hope leaving me.

"Is it because I was in Somalia? Because that wasn't my fault"

"No it's just..." She started.

"No hold on, is it because I snapped at you Because I'm sorry I just haven't been feeling like myself recently" 

"No, but about..." Dr. Wilson began again

"Stop is it because I was sexually active?"

"Actually yes, if you would let me..."She stammered 

"NO , you can't deny me medication because I was sexually active, online it said nothing about that , and if it's because you are orthodox and that bothers you than it's not my problem and I will find another doctor" I shouted.

"Okay listen up you idiot, I can't give you anti depressants because they are not approved for expectant mothers, now if you will excuse me, I have other patients."

"Expectant ?" I said in shock.

"Yes, you are pregnant, and I am late for my next appointment"

"WHAT?" I screamed, " I had my period"

"Well obviously not" She chuckled.I lost control and threw her against the wall. "What did you say?" I screeched.

"IMplant..IMplantation... Implantation bleeding... happens when you get pregnant... 2 weeks after" She gasped.

I dropped her. "Shalom, I'll be going now, umm.. thank you ?" I said, quickly running out of the doctors office. What the hell was I supposed to do now???? 

Hey guys! SO this is my version of what happened / why ZIva didn't tell Tony she was pregnant with Tali! Let me know what ya think and if you guys want part 2!