Tiva Short Stories

Making, Baking, Catching

Tony woke up in the middle of the night to Ziva typing loudly on an all too bright laptop. He looked over at his alarm clock that mocked him with the numbers "01:00".

"Ziva! It is one in morning! Are the 5 hours of sleep we've gotten in the past 2 days too much for you ?" He yelled out of exhaustion.The case they had been working on was slow and time consuming.

"I'm researching" Ziva responded blatantly and continued to type.

"For gods sake leave work at work. You know what they say : let sleeping dogs lie and let off the grid arms dealers come out on their own time. I promise you, this case will be there in the morning, and the next one, and the one after that, and the one af..." He dragged on but was cut off by Ziva

"This is not work!" She insisted and continued typing.

"All the more then, it can wait until morning !" He hissed and shoved a pillow over his face. He tried to drift back to sleep, but the clacking sounds of the keyboard tickled his brain with curiosity. After a minute , he flipped over and asked "What are you researching Zi?"

"I'm making a plan on how we are going to catch a baby, since what we've been trying clearly isn't working" Ziva smirked.

"What?" He said shaking his head. "Are you going to kidnap a baby? Because if so , fine, I've got your back, but can we please do it in the morning ? "

"No Tony you idiot !" She continued, "I want to bake a baby. I want to be baking a baby right now. We've been trying for months now, but it's time to get serious. I have a new plan."

Tony chuckled until he could no longer breathe.

"I'm serious Tony! " She yelled and hit him with a pillow.

"No Ziva I'm very serious about baking babies. I like to bake them on Sundays before church, and then I ice them and put the sprinkles on after I get back, and then I sell them at bake sales and enter them for ribbons at the county fair" Tony joked.

"What? Did I mis-speak ? Bun in the oven, yes ? Baking a baby?" Ziva said defensively, struggling over her words.

"Okay well I see your point and in your defense that would make sense, but saying you are baking a baby will definitely get you on trial for a criminal offense" Tony explained, shaking his head. It was much too early for all of this.

"What's our new strategy ? Going gluten free ? Trying upside down? Voodoo ?" Tony asked, smiling.

"We've tried it all Tony : positions , diets, planning , timing. I just read every article on the entire google about how to catch a baby and we've tried it all!"

"We've been chasing it, but now , it's the baby's turn. We're going to play hard to get. It always works for me. I mean it got me you." She explained calmly, as if this was some rational thought and not baby fueled crazy. Ever since Palmers nanny had been unavailable and Ziva had watched his daughter, she had been 'lightly' obsessed with babies.

"Okay so let me get this straight," Tony gasped between laughs "we are going to play hard to get, with a child who doesn't exist"

"Yes !" Ziva insisted and slapped him upside the head. "Stop laughing !"

"How exactly does one play hard to get with a baby?" Tony chuckled.

"Well I figure we start by drinking again" Ziva announced, and Tony began to grin, having been sober for bearing on 2 months.

"Okay crazy lady, I'm listening "

"Then I think we gorge ourselves on fatty, non organic food" Ziva said  seductively.

"Followed by copious amounts of hot tubs and too hot baths" She said softly and then whispered into his ear

"And 8 say we top it all of by doing more 'other' activities when we try. Things with less direct paths to the oven, yes? "

"Genius !" Tony clapped and smiled .

"Oh that will show him or her " He beamed, "It will be desperate for us to become its parents"

"Exactly !" Ziva cheered, closing her computer and placing it on her night stand. Satisfied and excited , she curled up in a ball and fell asleep at once.

"Baking a baby" Tony chuckled to himself and fell asleep.

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OMG GUYS I THINK THIS IS HILARIOUS ! I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS AFTER I SAW A BUZZFEED ARTICLE ON "20 ways to increase your fertility" or something and I COULDNT HELP BUT IMAGINE ZIVA TRYING TO "win" fertility, one way or another ;). Part 2 ? Any stories you want continued ? Left shoe ? Any new or old tiva writers I'm not already following ? Leave me a comment! Anyone want to collab ? Leave me a comment ! Want to know how to do the cotton eye joe dance ? (Don't ask) Leave me a comment ! If you  guys can't tell by my sudden want to not die , FINALS ARE OVER ! I'll be on here a lot ! See ya soon !
XOXO
Tiva girl
(Get it ? )

PS: Do you guys like my rants at the ends of stories ? Or do you think they are just bothersome ? I kind of liked doing a long one, so let me know.

PPS: I have a draft for a Tiva Christmas-kah, do you guys want that??