The Choice is Yours

4.

     To say I was nervous was a bit of an understatement. The only shred of confidence that came to my mind was "as least I look good." I had my blond ombre hair crinkled from the twist I had done earlier. I wore green cargo shorts that stopped a little shorter than mid-thigh, which I complimented with a white tank top and beige short sleeve button up that I wore open. I didn't want to go too far with my look, so I settled for the basic white chucks and gold jewelry. We all sat at one of the tables in the small yet very comfortable club. As a looked around at all of the people in the room, I felt my nerves start to build up.
    "Salem, girl you okay? You look like you just witnessed your own death," Reese asked with a concerned face.
     I hesitated a little before I answered, not sure how to respond. "I'm good, just a little nervous." Chase laced his fingers through mine, which instantly caused my nerves to subside.
   "Babe, you'll do fine. We're here to support you. If you feel like you need support, just look out here at us," Chase comforted me. With his words of encouragement, my nerves were replaced with confidence.
     I felt almost invincible until I heard, "Coming to the stage, we have the one, the only, Salem Starr!" Well, I guess there is no turning back now.
    I stood up from my seat and walked to the microphone hearing the applause from the audience. I took my position behind the keyboard. I swallowed my nervousness and fear way and gathered every bit of confidence I had.
    "Wassup everybody! How are y'all feeling tonight? I'm Salem Starr and this is Love Without Reality." I started playing the notes of the song letting the music consume me. I closed my eyes and began to sing.
       Is it love? Is it you and me? I feel like we have, love without reality. I need you take this, I need you make this a home for unity. I think we are out of touch. I think we have had enough of love without reality...
     I poured every ounce of my heart out in the lyrics and notes of the song. When I finished, I opened my eyes to see that I had a standing ovation and the audience was screaming and cheering louder by the second.
     After all of the artists performed, we all received our review cards. I didn't want to read them until I got home just in case the reviews were not so well.
    Once we were all back at the house and changed into more comfortable clothes, we sat in the living room with the set of review cards in the middle of our circle.
    "How about everyone take the cards and read them until they're all gone. I don't think I would be able to read them all by myself," I suggested as I sat nervously. Without another word, we evenly distributed the cards until they were all gone.
    "I guess I'll go first," Jay said. "Girl we loved every second of the song. You really made me think about my relationship." I smiled, happy that my first review was a good one.
    "My turn," Reese shouted. "Salem you are an awesome writer. Singing may not be 100% your strong suit, but you definitely have a gift for writing." I guess that was an okay review.
    "Ok, here goes nothing," Chase stated. "Great song, beautiful lyrics. You should let someone else sing your material. Not bad, but not amazing either." I kind of winced as he read the review in his hands.
    "I guess it's my turn," I let out with a sigh. "Salem that was absolutely incredible. There aren't any other words to describe your performance. You should definitely let the people hear more of your work." I finished with a smile.
     After about twenty more cards of mixed reviews, I felt a little unsure of how I should react.
    "I think you did really well for your first time officially going public," Reese said with a reassuring smile.
    "You had everybody in the room vibing off of your music. The only thing you should be feeling is proud." Jay commented with honest eyes.
    I really do have great friends. I looked over at Chase hoping to get a confidence boost. To my surprise, he looked a little unsure of how to respond. Once he realized that I was staring, he responded "Yea babe, Jay, and Reese are right. You did great." I expected more from him, but I guess his response was better than nothing.
    "You guys are right. After I write more material, I guess we'll go back." I responded as I gathered all of the review cards.
      Before I had realized it, I had performed at Midnight Lights three times. I noticed that all of the reviews were the same. Everyone loved my songwriting but hated my voice. To be completely honest, I couldn't agree more. I have always had a greater love for writing than singing.

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     I had been lying in my bed all day just thinking. I didn't even get up when I heard Chase come in. He walked into my room and laid on the bed beside me.
     "Chase I need you to be completely honest with me okay?" I said without turning to look at him. Because of his silence, I knew that he was waiting patiently for my next words. "What did you really think of my songs?" I asked.
    "Do you mean singing, the playing, or both," he asked in return.
    "Both," I said trying to organize my thoughts. Chase paused for what seemed like forever before he responded.
    "I mean if we're being 100%, your songs are mind numbing good, but the singing is another story." I instantly popped up so that I looked him directly in his eyes. The look I was giving him definitely said 'Excuse me?' because he quickly tried to cover up his last statement. "
    "Look, babe, we have been back and forth to Midnight Lights almost every weekend, and we get the same responses every time," he said trying to prove his point.
    "What happened to the compliments and kudos you were giving me just yesterday Chase? Did you really change your mind that fast or was it all a front to make me feel good?" I know I asked him to be honest, but this feels more like a sucker punch to my passion.
    "Come on babe. Every time we go, people say they love your songs but hate your voice. When are you going to start listening to the people? They control the music," Chase explained.
    "Apparently the people control you too considering how you just flipped the script on me," I practically screamed. I wasn't hurt by the honesty of Chase's words or at his argument, but I was crushed by his lack of loyalty. The more he talked, the more I wanted him to leave.
    "Babe you know I hate being embarrassed and if everybody else is saying let it go, how hard is it give the people what they want?" Chase added.
    "Oh, so I'm embarrassing you now Chase?" I asked as got up and started walking towards Chase and the door. My tolerance level for Chase and this conversation was way over its limit.
     "Chase I think it's time for you to leave before this goes too far," I said trying to calm my nerves. At this point in our relationship, Chase knows when to keep pushing and when to let it go, and now was not the time to push. He stood up and walked towards the door.
     Just as he was crossing the threshold, he turned and said, "Babe think about it, what are you really mad about? Is it my answers or the reality?"
     With that, I slammed the door in his face. How could the one person whose opinion really mattered switch up on me? I walked over to my bed and collapsed on the sheets. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, Chase had a point. The people thought I would thrive more as a songwriter than an artist. What the people want, the people get. I decided to channel my anger the best way I know how. I pulled out my black book and began to write.                                                     

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