The Choice is Yours

17

      After weeks of crying, I needed to get back to work and put this pain to good use. The material that came from this baby was amazing, but it was a little too close to home for me to release.

"Mom?" I yell through the house.

      "In the kitchen," she screams back. I close the door and take off my shoes before I continue through the house.

      "Hey mom, what's on the menu?" I ask as I walk into the kitchen and kiss her cheek.

      "Hamburger helper, how is my baby and her little baby?" she asks as she rubs my stomach.

"So far so good," I say as I take a seat at the breakfast bar.

      "Four months a long, any cravings yet?"  my mom asks as she stirs the food.

      "Nope, just been extremely tired and hungry all the time. I think just in the past two days I have spent almost $100 on food," I say as I grab an apple out of the fruit basket. She laughs as I eat the apple.

      "That's funny because you and your siblings were the exact same way. The only difference is that I gained 80 pounds with you. And from the looks of it, you haven't gained anything." My mom responds. I smile, loving the ambiance of my mother's home.

      "Mom, can I stay the night here? My house is a little lonely." I ask looking around the kitchen.

      "Of course baby, you are always welcome here. Plus, I think your dad wants to spend more time with you too. He is so excited about the baby. You can't stop him from smiling," my mom said with a chuckle.

"Baby I'm home!" I hear my dad call out from the foyer.

      "Speak of devil and he shall appear," my mom says with a chuckle, "We're in the kitchen Stanley," she calls out. I see my dad walk through the hall and I turn into a little girl again.

"Daddy!" I scream and run in his direction.

      "Hey baby girl! How's my second favorite girl in the world?" He asks as we walk back into the kitchen. My mom has already started setting the dinner table when we take our seats.   

"I'm great daddy. How was your day?" I ask.

      "It was tiring, but even better now that my favorite women are here with me. How is the little bun in the oven?" my dad asks.

     "So far so good, I'm just really tired and hungry all the time," I tell him. He starts to laugh.

      "Ruby, weren't you the same way with Salem, Jaylen, Collin, and Justice?" my dad asks.

      "Yes I was. Star you and your brothers were hungriest babies I have ever known. And by the looks of it, nothing has changed," my mom said with a smile as she brought dinner to the table. We all fixed our plates and started eating. Dinner with my parents was just as amazing as it was when I was little. I love them with all of my heart and having their approval of my baby was more than I could ever ask for.

      After dinner we all went to the living room to watch a movie. I felt sleep starting to kick in.

      "I'm going to bed mom. Love you daddy," I say as I kiss both of my parents. I walk up the stairs to my room and change into my pajamas. After I finished, I looked into the mirror at my belly that was just starting to show a little change.

      "Looks like it's just you and me kid; you and me against the world." I got in the bed and went to sleep. 

      A couple of hours later, I wake up in excruciating pain. I have no idea what was going on, but the pain let me know that whatever was happening isn't good. I rush out of the bed to go the restroom and noticed that my sheets were covered in blood.

      "Daddy! Mommy, help! Something is wrong! Help me mommy!" I scream as tears came running down my face. My parents came rushing into my room with same look of horror on their faces that I had.

"Mommy, what's happening to me?" I said between sobs.

      "Baby girl, we have to get you to the hospital right now," My dad says while he and my mom help me to get my things. We rush out to the car and began on our way to the hospital. I lay in the back seat crying, and holding my stomach, hoping and praying that everything is okay with both me and my baby.

      We arrive at the hospital and I am immediately taken in to be seen. After what seems like hours of test, doctors, and nurses, I get sent into a room to have an ultrasound done on the baby.

      "Alright Ms. Starr, let's have a look. Your file says that your last doctor's visit was on the 22nd and that you were 13 and half weeks along, is that correct?" The doctor asks me.

"Yes sir it is," I respond trying to settle my nerves.  

      "Your file also says that you have been being monitored for high stress levels and high blood pressure. Have you been keeping that under control Ms. Starr?" he asks with voice full of concern.

      "I have been doing the best that I can, but job entails stressful situations," I say trying to add a little humor to terrible situation.

      "Well let's take a look at the baby and go from there," he finishes. I close my eyes hoping that everything is okay.

      The doctor starts to move the camera around to find the heartbeat and the baby. After minutes of searching and heart shattering silence, the doctor finally spoke. "Umm, Ms. Starr, there is no heart beat and no baby."

      "There must be a mistake. I was just at the doctor Friday. Can you check again please?" I begged. Seeing how distraught I was, the doctor checked again, only to come up with the same results.

      "Ms. Starr, I am very sorry for your loss. Now there may be many causes for your loss. We want to run a few tests to try and diagnose the issue. I am very sorry."

      The tears start to slowly fall from my face. I knew the results before I walked into this hospital. I just honestly didn't want to face the reality of it all. After the doctors and nurses finished running test, I was ready to go home for the day. My heart was broken and I felt completely numb.

      "Come on baby, let's get you home," my mom said through tears. Once in the car, I spoke up,

"Can you take me home, please?" I ask my dad, who was driving.

      "Maybe you should stay with us for a while sweetheart," my mother started to say, but I cut her off.

"I just wanna be in my home, in my bed, please," I say in exhaust.   

       I could feel the tears starting to fall from my eyes. I lay my head against the window as I watch the scenery of the night go by. When we pull in the driveway, I got out and opened the door, with my parents walking in after me. After a shower, I got in the bed completely drained of my emotions. My parents came in and gave hugs and kisses before the left. That night I cried until my body couldn't make anymore tears. I got up out of my bed, walked over to my piano and let my music heal my pain.