My Name Is Dan (Phan AU)

chapter eleven

Dan's P.O.V

     Looking through Phil's fridge, I finally decided on something simple- just a bowl of cereal. Yeah, sure, for normal people it was a little too late to have a bowl of cereal, but it's never too late in my world.

     I poured the cereal out of the box and immediately put it back, pouring the milk right afterwards. I took out a spoon and tried to eat as quickly as possible, practically shoving spoons of cereal into my mouth. I already miss PJ and Phil. Wow, I have separation issues, okay.

     I finished after around seven minutes, and I washed my dishes, dried them off, put them back, and then raced upstairs, stopping in front of Phil's bedroom door. I didn't hear anything at all.

     Maybe they fell asleep. Nerds, I thought to myself before quietly opening the door.

     Only to see something that I wish I hadn't seen. Something that broke my heart. Something that, once again, made me feel like I wasn't good enough. For the first time since I met Phil, I felt like I wasn't enough. He always managed to make me feel like I meant more than the world, but that all came crashing down at this one moment.

     I contemplated speaking for a few seconds to get their attention, and finally managed out a quiet, "P-Phil?"

     That earned me a glance from PJ, who immediately pushed Phil off of him. "Fuck," I think I heard him mutter, quickly regaining his thought process. Phil also looked over at me after being pushed away, guilt evident in his eyes.

     "I didn't-" Phil started, though he obviously didn't know how to finish the sentence.

     "What, Phil? You didn't what? You didn't think I'd come up here? Well, guess what, here I am. And, oh, what? There I go. How tragic," I said angrily, not giving either of the two a chance to cut in. Without any other warning, I walked out of his room, almost tempted to slam the door shut behind me, but not doing it since I knew that Phil's mother was asleep in her bedroom downstairs.

     I sprinted down the stairs, stopping suddenly at the bottom. Everything felt like it was breaking down. I collapsed to my knees, and before I knew it I was crying.

     I didn't know how to deal with it. I don't think I really know how to deal with anything, but I didn't know how to deal with that in particular.

     It feels like I just had my heart ripped out of my chest, thrown around for a little bit, and then thrown on the floor. I heard footsteps in the hallway upstairs, and I quickly stood up, wiping my face with my shirt. I turned around, seeing Phil rushing down the stairs. Guilt practically filled his eyes.

     "Dan, I- it wasn't-"

     "It wasn't what it seemed? You know damn well that it was exactly what it seemed. I just saw you making out with my best friend, Phil. I don't know how you expect to make up for that. If I were you, I just wouldn't try to make up for it at all." I stopped for a second, feeling like crying once again, but still speaking. "Phil, I love you, but I can't keep doing this if this is how you're going to act."

     He looked at a loss for words. His mouth was open, but nothing came out.

     "Goodbye, Phil," I said simply before turning away from him and walking out the door.

     That was it.

{•~•}

Author's Note: Hoo boi I apologise for this chapter being shorter than usual, I've been kind of at a block for this story in particular. The way that I set everything up kind of screwed with my ability to think of much more, so I was thinking of rewriting this story. It's still going to be mainly the same, it's just that things won't happen so fast I guess and everything is going to be more organised and laid out. I don't know, what do you guys think? Should I just try to continue this or should I rewrite it? I feel like rewriting would be easier, but if you guys want me to just continue this then I would totally try just for you guys.

Anyway, thanks for reading, peace out, stay rad, love you guys. <3

-ary asylum xx

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