My Name Is Dan (Phan AU)

chapter nineteen

Phil's P.O.V

"I'm sorry, Phil."

You should be sorry, Dan.

No, you shouldn't. It's my fault.

"Why?" I respond hesitantly, looking up from my phone.

"I don't know. I feel like I need to be."

"Why?" I repeat. Silence.

"Because it's not your fault."

Yes, it is. It's my fault.

"Oh."

More silence. There's little to no movement until Dan speaks again, although he is only speaking in a whisper. "I shouldn't have said anything. Sorry."

"It's fine," I repeat instinctually, closing my eyes. I open then again when I hear shuffling- what seems to be the movement of PJ just shifting positions.

Dan stands up. "I'll go, I think. I'll take PJ with me unless you want him to stay here."

I almost said no. I almost told him No, stay! Both of you!

Instead, I opened my mouth for a moment as if I was going to say it. But all that came out was, "Sorry, bye."

He woke the sleeping PJ and helped him up, and then they walked out of the house hand in hand. I heard PJ lock it with the spare key and suddenly I felt so alone.

I felt like I was the last person on Earth. I felt like I had just been abandoned. Betrayed, somehow.

But I suppose that's kind of what Dan felt like.

"I'm so sorry, Dan," I find myself whispering into the empty house.

A tear drips down my cheek and falls into my hand. I shouldn't be crying. It's my fault, anyway. I did this to myself.

Why does he have to make me feel this way?