When We Broke-up

23

HER

Today is his flight patungong California, half of my body saying that I must let go of him and let him be happy without me but the other says no because still, I love him. With all my heart and soul, I can't live without him. But, tama ba ang ginawa ko? I let him be, kasi alam kong kapag patuloy niya lang ang pagmamakaawa niya sa akin, mas lalo lang siyang masasaktan.

He needs to be happy--without me, he needs to be happy at hindi naghahabol sa akin. Alam kong pride ang pinapairal ko, but nasaktan na ako. Todo todo, sinaktan, niloko, iniwan. Lahat na ginawa niya sa akin, pero hanggang ngayon, inaamin ko na mahal na mahal ko parin siya.

"We need to talk."

I look at Coleen and she's holding some hot coffee, tag-ulan na kasi and lumalamig na rin ang panahon. If love becomes painful, then it's time to let go and save yourself. Remember youll be able to find a new love but never another self.

"Oh? Ano yun?"

"RJ loves you, he really does. Maine, pride na yang pinapairal mo, hindi na puso."

I took a deep breath and look at Coleen. It hurts to let go of someone you love most, but maybe it's the best freedom you'll ever give them. Love is a sacrifice. Even though love hurts sometimes you might have to let it go.

"Coleen, he needs to be happy without me, alam mo naman na parehas lang kaming nasasaktan."

"You want him to be happy, but ikaw? Paano ka? Ayaw mong maging masaya?"

Sometimes happiness can lead us to darkness, hindi mo alam na nasasaktan ka na. I know he'll better off without me. Why is it that the greatest irony of love is letting go when you want to hold on, and holding on when you need to let go? You can never find the right person if you can never let it go of the wrong, but at the same time the moment you feel like letting go, you remember why you held on for so long.

"Coleen, alam mo naman na nasaktan na ako ng todo, sobrang sakit parin hanggang ngayon."

"Pero you still love him right? And he still loves you too."

For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. Some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. When you love someone and they don't love you back. Move forward in life. It's difficult to do but not impossible.

"Ano ba talagang gusto mong gawin ko, Coleen?"

"Puntahan mo siya doon sa airport, stupid. Paalis na yun, magsisisi ka bahala ka, tanga."

"Kailangan tanga talaga? Coleen I'm being serious here!"

She stood up and get her phone and parang may hinahanap, I looked at her when her eyebrows frowned and I get curious about it, she took a deep breath at pinakita ang picture ni RJ na nagpapalaam, nakaramdam ako ng kirot. He'll leave again.

"If you love him, puntahan mo siya now na."

I looked at her and shook my head, he needs to be happy, to be happy without me. I know he loves me but nasasaktan lang siya kapag nagmamakaawa lang siya na balikan ko siya, 2 years akong umaasa at nasasaktan dahil alng sa kanya at ayoko ng mangyari yun.

"If you really love someone you will give him true happiness, even if that happiness means you're not a part of it. That's why I let him leave, again."

There are times we have to stop loving someone, not because we start hating them, but because we realize they would be much happier if we let them go. The hardest part of love is not knowing when it's time to put the pieces down and move on.   

"Coleen, 2 years akong umaasa at nasasaktan. 2 years akong binabangungot ng mga sakit ng ginawa niya, at kung babalikan ko siya. Baka mangyari yun ulit."

"Meng, maybe 2 years are long enough for you to be happy again and give him another chance, right? Paano kung nagbago na yung tao? Paano kung nagsisisi na siya sa pinaggagawa niya sayo?"

Is 2 years are long enough for me to be happy with him again? Maybe yes or maybe no, ayoko. Hindi pa ako handa, hindi pa. Ayoko pang masaktan kahit alam kong nagbago na siya. Paano kung saktan at paasahin niya ulit ako? Ayokong maiwan ulit, ayoko.

"Is 2 years are long enough?"

"Maybe, pabebe ka pa kasi Meng. Choosy ka, hay nako. Huli na ang lahat. Hindi ka na makakahabol sa flight niya."

I have to let him go. Not because I don't love him but because me loving him will never be enough. A failing love is like desperately hanging on to something precious; not wanting to give up, but your hands feel the pain. And, when you finally let go, you're free from any pain, but your hands are empty.   

If someone in your life makes you unhappy more than they make you happy, it doesn't matter how much you love them, you must let them go. Not because you no longer care, but because you are finally putting your own needs and happiness first.
  
"Meng, please think about it, aalis na siya at walang kasiguraduhan kung kelan siya babalik."

I still love him at takot langako masaktan ulit. All these past few days, pride ang pinairal ko at hindi itong puso ko. Will I give him another chance? Will I? Paano nga kung nagbago na siya? Paano kung hindi niya na ako sasaktan?

"W-What time ang flight niya?"

"8:30 pm, and it's already 7:20 and traffic papunta sa Airport, hindi ka aabot Meng."

"No, I realize na baka nagbago na nga siya at alam ko naman na mahal niya parin ako. Hindi siya mag eeffort na pagpunta dito from Laguna to Bulacan kung hindi niya ako mahal diba? He'll never cry infront of me is he doesn't love me, I'll better go."

"Bilisan mo, baka huli na ang lahat."

"Nasaan ang motor ni Kuya?"

"Marunong ka magmotor? B-But nandiyan sa likod ng bahay..."

"Remember, tinuruan ako ni RJ magmotor, bye Coleen."

"Goodluck, Sissy."

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A\N: last 2 Chapters and matatapos na rin. Bye~