When We Broke-up

12

HER

I cried, napasapo na lang ako. Napasandal sa may pintuan. Tinignan ko lang siyang sumakay sa kanyang kotse. I dont want him to leave, but he should. Nasasaktan na ako.

Masasaktan lang ako kung patuloy niyang ginagawa ang mga bagay na ito. Ayoko na siyang makita pero siya ang mapilit. Masakit na sa dibdib ang mga pinagsasabi niya. Gusto ko siyang balikan pero takot na ako, ayoko ng maiwan. Masakit na sobra...

"Kung patuloy niyo yan pinag gagawa niyo, parehas lang kayong masasaktan at aasa."

Tumingin ako kay Coleen, pinaupo niya ako sa sofa, humahagulgol lamang ako. Masakit na sobra, ayoko siyang paasahin ngunit ayoko rin siyang umalis.

"Alam mo, ang gulo mo. Akala ko ba gusto mo siyang saktan?"

"Gusto ko ngunit natatakot rin ako kasi--"

"Kasi mahal mo siya kaya ayaw mo siyang saktan?"

Tumango ako at napailing lang siya at tinabihan ako sa sofa, hinagod niya lang ang likod ko...

"Galit ka sa kanya kaya gusto mo siyang saktan ngunit ayaw mo rin kasi mahal mo siya?"

She asked then I nodded, she just chuckled. Masakit na. He may be out of my sight but never out of my mind. I miss him so much. Pero nangunguna ang galit ko sa kanya.

*****

HIM

I just want to see her and hug her, I want her back again in my arms. Pero siya na nagsabi, hindi niya na ako babalikan. Masakit na sobra.

"Kuya."

I took a deep breathe when I heard my sister on the other line, her voice. She wants her Ate Maine back and I want her back too.

"Ano sabi niya Kuya?"

"Later, we'll talk later. Okay Riza?"

"Okay Kuya..."

Hinampas ko ang manubela at umiyak, I want her back. I need her and I really love her. I know it's never too late, I know that. I know that she still loves me, I can feel it, she still loves me.

I want you back Love...

I want her back, I want me to kiss her and hug her. I just want her, I want my Love, I want my Maine...

*****

Sinalubong agad ak ni Riza and ni Dad, I took a deep breathe and look through their eyes--hopeful. Akala siguro nila ay babalik niya siya.

"Ano na nangyari anak?"

Dad ask then I smiled sadly, their hopeful eyes fades. Umasa lang sila na babalik na si Maine, pero hindi naman talaga...

"A-Ayaw niya na.."

Para na rin nawalan ng anak si Dad noong nakipaghiwalay ako sa kanya noon. Tinurin na ring anak ni Dad si Maine, at parang Ate na rin siya ni Riza. Pero wala eh, ako ang kasalanan ng lahat...

My Dad and my sister hugged me so tight. They leave me here in our living room, for privacy. I just want to cry all night thinking of her. Thinking about all the fun memories with her.

I'm going to smile and make her think I'm happy, I'm going to laugh, so she don't see me cry, I'm going to let her go in style, and even if it kills me I'm going to smile. That's how I love her.

******

HER

There's this place in me where your finger prints still rest...your kisses still linger and your whispers softly echo... It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.

If you really love something set it free. If it comes back it's yours, if not it wasn't meant to be. I know were arent really for each other.

Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours. I'm happy kung ano man meron ako ngayon--kahit masakit na sobra...

I don't miss him, I miss who I thought he was. Every happy couple has a breakup in their past--and I'm one of them. Sometimes the person you really need is the one you didn't think you wanted.

"I miss the old you.."

I whispered, sobrang sakit na. Ang sakit sakit na, makita siyang nakatayo sa labas na gusto akong makipagbalikan sa kanya. Ewan ko kung ano susundin ko, ang makulit kong puso o itong utak ko?

Even a happiest person have a past they need to hide.

"M-Meng...?"

Napatingin ako kay Ate Niki, she's here. She hugged me and I hugged her back. I miss her too.

"Ate, kelan kayo umuwi?"

"Kanina lang..."

She said then I smiled--a fake smile, ayokong makita niya akong malungkot. Lalo na tungkol kay RJ. Magagalit lang siya or kakaawaan ako.

"Meng, move-on na..."

"Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult."

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. Always do what is right. This will surprise some people and astonish the rest. That feeling that you love someone and you have to keep distance because they might start to notice...

Nothing improves the memory more than when your trying to forget. The peak of pain im life's when you sit near the person you love the most knowing that the person can never be yours.

"Pati ako nasasaktan sa pinaggagawa mo eh..."

She said, saying goodbye isn't the hard part, it's what we leave behind that's tough. What's past is past...

"Let me be Ate Nikki, dito ako masaya."

"Masaya? Kelan ka pa naging masaya pagkatapos niyong mahiwalay huh? Kelan pa?"

Pain is weakness leaving the body. Pain goes away, pride lasts forever. What's painful is not the absence of what we always wanted. But the presence of what we couldn't have.

The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained..why does he need to leave me that night? Just because he's tired? Just because he fell out of love?

I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.

"Maine, napanuod ko yung interview niya. Mahal ka pa daw niya."

"He doesnt need to be humble. He's not that great."