I Swear I Am Not Crazy. Right?

Chapter Twenty-Two

Back on the ship we all watched Rave give Alice the room closest to the kitchen. Seemed to me she would have an easy escape if she robbed us and stashed it in her room until we noticed something was missing. That’s just one possible terrible thing she could do though.

“Have a nice night.” Rave said and she smiled and entered her room.

“I’m expecting her to make me pancakes in the morning.” Isaac said before heading off to bed.

“He better make sure she doesn’t poison them.” Derek said glaring at Alice’s door from our spot down the hall.

“My thoughts exactly.” I said before heading to my room as well.

I took a quick shower which felt awesome and then grabbed a pair of pajamas from my closet. There was a pair of long loose baby blue bottoms and a ginormous red T-shirt that I used. I don’t know how my closet knew what clothes I would use as pajamas but it was right and I had to congratulate it for guessing correctly. I crawled into bed cuddling up to the warm covers and although I loved the feeling of being warm in my bed my uncomfortable thoughts kept me awake. Today there was a lot of talk about family and that made me think of my own family.

I missed my family a lot now that I thought about it. I was never really away from them for too long and this was going to be a long trip. At this point it would be nice to have my mom to confide in and my brother to annoy. They probably missed me too. In fact they were probably going crazy wondering where I am and if I’m okay. They had to know I wasn’t dead though, right? They know I could survive for a little while on my own or with a psycho. I’m pretty good at dealing with crazy people since I took psychology. Okay, so maybe they would think I was dead because maybe it really is a pretty good estimate. They would probably hold on to hope that I was alive though.

I also thought of Riley. She must feel absolutely terrible. She was supposed to stick with me and we were supposed to watch after one another. She was probably the one who had to tell my family and that alone would probably make her break down. Just seeing my family would make her start to sob after something like me going missing happened. She was probably mad with guilt knowing her. She did a good job of watching after me though. It was my own fault that I went missing. I don’t know what I would do if my friend went missing when I was supposed to be with her. I hoped Riley wasn’t feeling too terrible over it.

“Why do you think you were so worried about how everyone else was doing?” he asked.

“Because it’s my fault if they were worrying. I guess since you main job in life is to find reasons to keep me here I’ll never know how worried they were or if they were worried at all. Maybe it was easier for people while I was gone. Less money for my mom to spend on food and stuff.” I said shrugging.

“How could you think that your family wouldn’t be worried sick about you?” he asked.

“It’s easier on me to think that I didn’t cause them any problems.” I said.

“Well, you did.” He said.

“Wow, you just know how to make people feel good about themselves don’t you?” I asked sarcastically and sadly.

“I’m just a truthful person and you should realize you caused them problems. You said that you yourself are a worrier. You probably got that from the rest of your family.” He said.

“Yeah, but…I don’t know I just thought that maybe I was more of a bother sometimes than a help.” I said.

“Whether you’re a bother it doesn’t matter, that’s your family and you should know they care about you just like you care about them.” He said.

“Deep down I know that.” I said.

“Then let’s focus on getting you out of here quicker.” He said.

For once I agreed with him.

I was probably an official missing person by now, on a missing persons list and everything. The police were definitely contacted but were they actually doing anything about me missing? The police where I lived were known for being crappy at their job even when they had nothing else to do. Don’t get me wrong I like law enforcement but they would probably look for me in all the normal spots then give up. The law enforcement where I disappeared would most likely be forced to look for me as well and for all I know they’re great at their job but they wouldn’t find me anyway.

It would be cool if there was a group of volunteers that went out looking for me. I would feel really loved then but who would join the party except for my family and Riley. I wasn’t really popular in school and I was kind of a loner so not many people knew me. I guess there would be some kind hearted people who would be like ‘she’s just a child lets help look for her’ but there aren’t many people like that in the world anymore. So I’m just going to say there isn’t any search party except my mom, brother, and Riley if they count.

“When will I see them again?” I wondered out loud and immediately regretted it.

That thought led to a worse thought. What if I never saw them again? It was becoming pretty clear that I might die trying to save the world. The maze and the bombing of the town helped me see that I could die here. I would never see them for a final time. If I did die here my family would never know what happened to me. They would eventually die not knowing what happened to me. Of course by then they would just accept me as dead but they would never have a body to bury or know who did it or what was done to me. That would be the worst thing that could happen, not getting to see my family again.

These thoughts made me cry and more than just cry I was really sobbing. It was kind of that annoying cry that you sometimes hear and you’re like ‘what the hell made her that sad?’ and then you find out and feel terrible because that person had a right to cry so bad. I was wiping my cheeks every ten seconds but the tears just kept coming. I started to hope no one else could hear me. That at least made me quieter. I started to tell myself that I would see my family again but then the pessimistic voice in my head started to say that I didn’t know if that was true. I could not stop crying for the life of me and laying there in my bed made me feel weaker so I got up and paced while crying.

“Think of something else.” I told myself.

Unfortunately it took me a while to find something to think about that wasn’t sad. After all there weren’t many good things that happened recently. I was able to find something and that was when I thought about my pessimistic voice. In stories when there’s an angel and devil on someone’s shoulders one is telling you to do something bad and the other is telling you to do the right thing. Shouldn’t one be mean to you and the other is nice since one is a devil and the other is an angel. It seems like they should fit the stereotype while they’re at it.

Finally I had calmed down and wasn’t crying anymore although unless I continued to entertain myself I could very well start up again.