Chapter 10
I never got around to talking to Ashton and telling him that I wanted to try and make things better with Luke. You might ask why or you might give me a thumbs up – depending on who you support more I’d completely understand – it’s just that, after hearing what Luke had to say about me or to me or for me – I don’t know… I was done. I couldn’t handle it anymore. If he wants me out of his life then I guess that just might happen.
Grazel was supportive. That’s all I had to say. She was the perfect person and now I look up to her as an older sister, I’m sure Morgan and Julia could say the same. She’s almost four years ahead of us, and is more knowledgeable with the campus and classes.
I vented to her, like she offered and she listened, like she had assured me. I wasn’t sure if it was the correct choice in the beginning but after she explained to me that she would keep it all a secret, I felt relieved. I couldn’t ask for a better encounter with her.
Now she stops by every once and a while, and we usually go out to eat over the weekends. Yes, it’s been that long since my call with Ashton but I don’t intend on boring you with what’s happened since that night.
Basically I’ve lost contact with all four of them. I deleted all the numbers, all the texts, all the photos on my phone – everything. I’m cutting them out of my life. Now of course they’re still calling and texting and tweeting me – besides Luke – but I choose to ignore it. I am just a normal girl after all, living her life and staying in school like a good teenager should. If Luke wanted me gone so quickly, then I am and he has no objections what so ever. I’m glad.
I sound like a stuck up heartless bitch now, don’t I? Well then so be it, I am. He doesn’t need me, and it sucks that it took him a month and a half to realize that even after I blatantly told him at the airport before my departure. He can have his ways. He can kill me on the inside but not the outside and I don’t plan on telling anybody how weak and hopeless I’ve become.
Yeah that’s right. I am absolutely hopeless and I’m probably just rambling again and contradicting myself but I’m seriously so hurt and I doubt I can get over how rude he was to me. That isn’t my Luke. That isn’t him at all.
Zel walked me back to my room that night and Morgan was panicking because she had my phone in her hand and apparently it wouldn’t stop vibrating and lighting up since I was receiving so many calls and texts at once.
Many were apologies, but what did Mikaela have to apologize for? What did Ashton have to apologize for? Why was Devy telling me she was sorry? What was Michael sorry for? I’m not sorry. In fact – like I had said earlier – I am glad. I’m not the bad guy. I’m just the one who got it bad out of the relationship’s fall out.
I let Morgan and Julia talk to Ashton like I promised, but I made sure that they never gave the phone to me. I would leave the room and walk around campus like a lost puppy because I didn’t want to hear any of the conversation between the three of them. I want to let go of them like Luke let go of me because with Michael and Ashton and Calum lingering around it’d only remind me of what I no longer have.
You know this really sucks and I’m sorry I can’t get over it. Luke was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I just – I told him over the phone when he was asleep that I’d try my hardest for him but I can’t anymore because he doesn’t even want that. He let go of my heart and it fell to the floor before anyone could catch it.
I’m probably boring you so much right now and I don’t mean to I’m just an emotional wreck and nobody but myself knows it. Mikaela doesn’t know because I’m weary about our phone calls. Devy doesn’t know because she’s always around Calum who I don’t want to converse with. My parents don’t know because they’re busy with Mik and work. My roommates don’t know because I’m good at hiding my pain and Zel doesn’t know because we don’t always see each other.
