XVII

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   As soon as we get to my mom's hospital room, I know there is something wrong. My family is standing out side of the room. "Hey dad." I say, and walk over to him, giving him a hug. His eyes are watering and I ask, "What's wrong?"

   He looks at me solemnly. "I suggest you don't go in there."
  
   Why not?   I think to myself and head towards the door. Multiple hands grab me and try to pull me back. Bryce has stopped to talk to Gage, his still best friend. "Hey Angelique don't." I hear from behind me and I whip around. "Jasen!" I exclaim, and pull him into a tight hug. "Hey. Don't go in there." He says, and tears run down his face. "Stop. I'm sure she's fine. Where's Ryan?" I ask.

   I soon learn that Ryan is at soccer practice and nod my way into the room. The room is dark, dusty. No one was in there, only me and a bed. I see the foot of the bed from the doorway, and smile as I walk into the room more. My smile falters and I see her. She lays there on the bed, lifeless. My hands raise to my face in horror, and I sink to the floor.

   I hear a scream, but I don't know where it comes from. Me? I don't know. All I know is my mother is sitting in that bed, life sucked out of her and cold skinned. How did it happen so fast? I just got the call it's impossible. "No!" I scream, my hands covering my ugly cry. "No!" I repeat and jump up. I race to the bed and see her face. "Mom!" I yell and caress her cold face in my warm hands. My tears fall on her face and I rest my head on her chest. "Mommy." I whisper and I hear footsteps behind me.

   I don't hear them. I feel numb as warm sturdy hands lift me up. I squirm around and shake, trying to be free of my body's prison. My body racks with sobs as I'm placed into the car. Why didn't anyone refuse to let me in? I feel betrayed and hurt. I want my mom. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Sure I talked to her on the phone sometimes after I left, but never saw her in person since then. I am a horrible daughter. I didn't visit my mom. What was wrong with me?

   What about the kids? Ryan and my brothers must be crushed. But they didn't seem it. They must be hiding it.

   I am broken out of my trance as I arrive at the hotel. How did I get here? Wasn't I just at the hospital? No I remember. Bryce took me and was talking to me. But I couldn't hear. I feel my face and find it puffy and wet. I get frustrated and race to the bathroom, grabbing a towel. I'm focused on scrubbing my face. Getting dry and forgetting. Forgetting what I saw and what I will forever see in the back of my brain.

   "Angelique!" I hear and take the towel away from my face. Bryce is there, looking at me in horror. "Stop!" He says, and yanks the towel from my hands. I look down and see red. I scrubbed so hard my face was bleeding. Looking in the mirror, I see the splotches of blood and wipe them off with my hands. "No!" I yell at myself, and fling myself at Bryce. He takes a new towel and strokes my face, wiping the blood away.

   "Shh shh." He says, and tapes band aids on my face. I feel a kiss on my head and myself walking with Bryce. He takes me to the bed and lies me down, covering me with the covers. "Take a nap, love. I'll wake you before dinner."

  That was the last thing I heard before I fell into deep sleep. My dream was horrid. I dreamt of my mother and I was with her. We were up above some water, on a cliff. I was begging her not to do something but she just looked at me and backed up. On the very last step, she fell off the cliff, and into the jagged waters and broken rocks. I run to the edge and lay on my stomach, looking down off the cliff. The tears streamed out and fell into the water. I suddenly had the urge to stand up and jump, so that's what I did. I didn't die in the dream, but I couldn't breathe in the water. I struggled to get to the surface but I couldn't; I looked down and saw my mother, trying to drag me down to the depths of the sea.

   "Angelique? Angelique!" I hear and feel myself being shaken. I wake with a start and breathe in deeply. "You weren't breathing are you okay? I thought you were dying." Bryce says and his face gets instantly wet with tears. "No I'm sorry. I was drowning in a dream I guess it came through in real life." I say, and pat my hand on the bed, motioning at Bryce to sit down. Once he does, I go over to him and sit on his lap, my head curled up on his chest. My hair is being stroked and my neck kissed. Small tears stain Bryce's shirt and I feel myself falling asleep. Bryce murmurs something but I don't quite catch it as I drift off.

*****

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