Red umbrella ( June IKON )

Wedding dress

His fingers are playing with my hair and his eyes looking in mine. I can see the stars in them,I can see his heart...- Baby you are my whole world...- sweet whispering voice. But why is it so dark in here? Why do I feel sudden cold? - June where are you? - I'm shouting his name like crazy scared to death- Don't leave me here alone darkness will swallow me!- Black cold water is all around me but I can't swim... I'm losing my breath- June save me!

Last scream woke me up. I sat on the bed all sweaty while my heart was pounding like crazy. My hands were shaking,my lungs fighting for oxygen. It's been two months since I came to Italy and when nightmares started. Through the day I tried to occupy myself with work but at night I had no peace. It was mine everyday struggle to survive, to bear this pain of emptines in my chest. I'm a killer. Yes, I killed my love and it's been bleeding for so long but I don't die from that wound. I keep going with heavy steps in my life,I keep fighting for God knows what...

Slowly I get up and went to bathroom washing my face and neck. Still no air in this room. It's so hot ! I need oxygen right now!

Quietly I left the house and headed to the nearest beach going through small park and getting down by the rocky stairs. Adriatic sea was before me, dark and silent. There were many stars in the sky blinking and shining.

I sat on the sand lefting a sigh. It was still dark and no one at sight which worked perfectly for me.

Many things have happened for this two months since I came here. But in all I was just passive observer. Non of those touched me,non of those filled emptines in my heart. Only one person could do that but he was far away beyond my reach and not my destiny obviously.

My new family embraced me which I must say surprised me. I guess I was expecting ignorance and denying of my presence but I was wrong. Zia was really warm person and she loved my company. Although her being a widow didn't made her lonely but very comunicative person. She was wise and smart and taught me many things. Always talking the best about my mom and dad. Through her I get to know them better,which made me happy. On the other hand,Francesco was more reserved. He acted nice and polite but like he didn't want to get closer to me. Recently I found out why.

My father left me half of his fortune and in that half was included their family clothing company. It was highly appreaciated brand for mans suits. Although they had smaller part with womans clothes,mostly coctail and wedding dresses.

When I found out about existence of that company,I figure that he was affraid I'm going to take my half and sell it to who knows who. But I stand before him and said that I don't know anything about fashion and clothes and if only they can teach me I would love to work there like any other employee.

His eyes widened at that statement but then smile appeared on his face- I'm glad you want to be part of our company. It means a lot to Zia and me,although our father didn't like it much because it reminded him of his father. He could never forgive our grandpa for being so selfish and stubborn.

So from that day I started to go in company everyday. I hade one nice lady who showed and taught me all I needed to know. Few weeks later I was already helping with production and ordering fabricks,the job I knew well.Considering all, everybody else in my place would be happy and satisfied but I couldn't feel anything. All my cheerfull words,all my bright smiles were fake,well acted comedy,good hiding of my wounded heart.

Zia asked me once is there something wrong but I brushed someb excuse with my nostalgy for Korea. Did she believed me or not,she didn't said but never asked me again for which I was grateful. But I couldn't fool myself.Nightmares were there to remind me every night,also I wasn't being able to eat much so I have losted some weight. Always forcing myself to eat just a little but I couldn't. Recently I was feeling nauseas whenever I felt smell of food. My heart would beat faster leaving me breathless and I felt dizzy. No wonder! I was exhausting myself with work only to keep occupied my mind, to stop seeing June's smiling face,to stop feeling his lips kissing me with longing....